essay, a propper one at that rather than liminal surfer art: skating the thin ice as it forms on towering 'wave' dotted with toothy sharks bitin' at you piece of plastic - they pay 1000s for....NOT READY UNTIL 1930 Britol[in]ish time - fuck off if you are on yankee time and don't come back, you aren't welcome, as even among 450million fatties if not one of a whole people cannot understand the words 'less is more' you are no good to me, or "human"ity .)
(one of their favourite words
when indeed dirty is scientifically proven to be good for your immune system)
Now, of late discovering a superb one on the same page - one definition, so often in Socraticish walks " .. ehh i struggle for the word as THEY stole them all...coopted them... repurposed them [ for nothing except their sales pitch.. so i no longer use ..[x y or z]"
x y or z ... well its all 'connected' in fact there is the first one, we "connected" - i have no idea what on earth it means as it seems to never mean anything "human" which by definition is over time... through the ups and downs and cants and vanities..
Anyway a whole dictionary full of them: 'energy' (usual actual meaning: look at my made up instagram nonsense and if you even ask me a question of what are the STORIES of it ''''working' they will never speak to you again even if they liked it when you said you wanted a shotgun marriage immediately.
So many: but i forget them almost all. But as we speak endlessly we are on the same '
frequency' (i just about 'allow' ) .. second sight esp ... we know that we SHOULD be able to use a simple oldschool word but its been coopted...
I wish more people simply know a good word (AS LONG AS NOT CONFUSED WITH RELIGIOUS MADNESS) ascetic... i only ever met one person she seemed to know it... ohh thats the definition of all of the Greek tragedies in one...
Ascetic (not ocd, nor the absurd JAp inspired minimalist i know a lot about Japs as my only truusted friend for some months 2021 was a JAp woman Kaori a very rare online only person even if she hung out on 'spiritual' dating she proved thats all a lie as the many long chats about supporting her running away from Japan where they went in her words cruelly total fascist if you even mentioned how Kyoto had let out radiation into the sea never mind not wearing a mask even in your own sealed off flat in 2020....in her words - in one of my boxes... a truly neurotic control freak people... )
Anyway forget my 'boxes' until...i can spend a few days or weeks ..in them...
Purity = i literally had NO idea until today a spare moment waiting for 'updates' that on my old one take half an hour...
And fair dinkum my memory isn't perfct in that i could have sworn i was cowardly and turned it off about 2013... after surving extreme lawfayre from.... (injuncted) but it wasn't her it was them.... she(i) was used... indeed told me she was blackmailed by plod (they could as she had ill gotten gains - why you need to keep it SIMPLE if you ever want to stick up foryourself... they go for your stuff, too...no stuff, they go for your kid..)...and then ran away drying...
Now.... the hardest paragraph i will ever write as i cannot stand pretension. fact: i never even LOOKED at readership stats. I can be very switched on and techie even if i never have played a computer game, if there is REAL 'cause' ... but when you extemporise... (oops i havent loaded that audio yet so out of sequence or maybe it was in the last substack audio) .. when you HURRIEDLY - as almost all the last 15 uyears i have either lived ( 8 years) totally off-grid without an electical socket and am fat too trampian in nature to even thing of getting a solar pannel.... its ALWAYS a spurt..charge up at church, or if you can bear the din library... and thats about it... if £100/month ewxcess to food rations then could run vehicle to charge battery and use inverter but no one ever even acknowledges my ..[ hard wpord] and pays anything ever not that i auto-beg... like everyone else seems to...not because i am too 'proud' but
Oops same 'paragraph' - this below ..liesdamage/com (i think i lost the url its still there as liesdamage.blogspot but i decided to hide it ... as where i used to live only dinosaur gossips... even if i never refer to ANY specific place or person (identifiable) unless they really DO harass me with endless PR messages or they are a person taking a fair bit of public momney and i KNOW from personal experience over some years or at least very obvious months they are a fraud....
So 'purity' .. now i dont think ugly hashtags were even invented early 2010s... anyway even if (some of the banned words - the main one being 'community' - she knows it dpoesnt exist here in Swesterland...oooh thats quite poetical a newly invented, AS i type, word ?!> )
I only operate 'organically' and all i have to eat many a day running is "grassroots" - ideally organic...hard to find in Swesterlandshire... such words (their default especially number 2 as its a great excuse for doing NOTHING except suck some fake hippy's knob to use a bit of his land for a 'community' garden..until he kicks you off as he never offers shares or any BINDING longterm tenancy ) ...i am Mr organic Grassroots... not only do i almost never share online my writings with strangers or put on sites to prompote i mnever bother even 'search engine optomising' never mind hashtagging
My ownly free publicity was a strange untold rather interesting tale in 2011 12 ish....
otherwise nope.... its only you...
Does someone tweet me? or is there some site " the worst blogs in history" i feature on ..i couldnt give a monkeys never read comments and all the 2010s never read stats ..i had assumed (until TODAY) that maybe there may have been 100 or so readers on an average day...
many feds or others on the lawfarepath...
nearly 4000 on some days... i had no idea
..
because the 'ideas' ...were all i cared about - total 100% purity
and i know - as i was told to my face by a middle aged MOTHER, fancy London university lecturer in London who had visited me 2010 witha famous woman same details except bafta nom film director to make a film about "what the ferx this cuntry come to when SS wou;ldnt even help HIM get his kid back and actually enforce LORE [famous court judgement]
he.. whatsername Agnieska said " i read your ] i do not use the word 'blog' ] and i now do see..i FEEL some mad gorgeous energy come through i get you you DELIBERATELY make theings obscure when as we know i know your facts... you do have an energetic beauty ioin your mad words " ... (the worst thing to ever hear for creativity - compliment is DISASTER... her words STILL hold me back)
Now... (i may have been spreading Miss Info... i had a look at a bible thistermorn page 2 and maybe i imagined what SHOULD be there..or maybe it was some other version or page i know i saw that paragraph..or maybe it was a BETTER qword of /'god' speaking in tongues - mine styuck out to every Chret ive ever known, a liar and fraud)
Anyway word i never use: blog. An ugly vulagar word all Nigel Farrageish...or even worse some Yank jock who thinks as he has an expensive microphone and can speak machine-gun speedily, about nothing much...he has a right to be called 'Destiny' yuck...
I do - have hundreds of times said " forget machines Montaigne was the first 'blogger'... popping out pamphlets down the farmers market about all sorts of 'subjective' things Oggle must say when in fact he went all the way where few would dare and thus he often did find 'truths'...
oph yes more about the old one
perform in farmers markets ... as i say he may have handed out his 'pamphlets' to any passing bit of fancy skirt..or enemy disnosaur fascist pig as the provinces (that have MORE constituencies) for fun.... and at the same time be mentally extemporising gonzo verses about just how utterly acediac the farmers market lot are
and run home and make FLEETING reference often disguised about the usual cant and vanity observed often lived experience of their hisses ...
SO THAT..one day i may return to the whole thousands of interesting 'moments' and most i will remember and when i have moved offshore..i may start to fill in the rest of the paragraphs with more maybe-triangulatable ..actual real p[eople ... fictionalised... as none are WORTH identifying
BUT the point is... operating on an endless TIGHTROPE of ' well you dont even want to be assumed to have hinted that about them..' (none actionable but fake goody goodies if they think you are hinting at them even if they have learned the Human Rights Acts off by heart to show off ... my my they get viscious and ...
(to be cont)
anyway the point is: no PLAN, no notes even as i dont have battery time to read them.. just sometimes juggling linked balls made of rooty grtass in my head.. manage to get to laptop and blast it out but its never what i had in mind (sadly the best bits sometimes do bounce off out of mental picture... but others just bounce in from..nowhere.. or are manifestly channeled by some deviant editor ...
(being all of them are i dont ever relish speaking to the official writing gatekeepers so rarely do)
Anyway what is a 'writer' .. many many days of 2 or 3000 unique readerts to my material that is NOT a 'BLOG' ... surely is one
but interfwoven is the ednless ( i will save you 35 quid mister sexy Norwegians 'My Struggle' is so dire it should be banned...)
battle
but more important so many little tips as to how to function on no meney and no facilities and no support... some i tell to peeps face-to-face...
But to me each one of 100s is a small 'moment' worth turning into a sort of art...
cos its USEFUL and all art i ever see is dilettante useLESS...
And i have many hundred thousands really of little biots of gonzo film/photography about all that to one day sit down for DAys and weave into something...
now..i mention 'boxes' as i have been training someone of late to think in terms of...
The 2017 -20 period especially is a unioque 'box' as i would meander always leaving my voice recorder on to...well, i didnt know at first....and as the endless go-nowhere conversations took place with enough avowed pro EU people some i knew very well...all of whom had nothing to say but said a lot of nothing ...that alone is a 'historical' real - obviously unscripted in fact i would forget my protective recorder even on... but its all in a 'box' that one day must be somehow saved and available...
none is actually contravening anyones 'privacy' .. for subtle reasons.
but a box within that 'box' . it so happens that around the beginning of then i had to go to the dentist for a range of repairs and my dentist was a rather interesting young Greek...
what followed over a few years is ...
well i know it is how to cure ANYone of the latest phobia... of 'dentists'...
The drill is audible ...as every time the banter is so brutal his nurses can be heard changing their wet knickers.... " yannis i do hope youver disinfected your grubby little hands before touching my lips... and the last one was so cack handed and lasting only a few months before i had to come back for a reseat my lawyers are drawing up papers as we speak.... "
and that is a clean version.... of a REAL man who ...well an young ancient Greek vs a student of Socrates...i won.
As too many times he had to retire to the sidelines " simon i need a moment i can't stop... [ laughing]..."
no other human in the universe has been so lovingly rude to their dentist as he is in their gob with a dangerous weapon...
BECUSE... we loved each other ...good old AG ' love maybe philia or agape...
so many TRUE jokes about " yannis only you can stick your little prick in me with such perfect gentility do your little squirt inside me.....and pull it out so carefully i never even knew you had entered... " vcan be heard uncripted as they happened...
cos i was proving he was a REAL man and why i should even (if a total redneck prejudiced red blooded type) offer him my homo marriage hand in wedlock if they were due to kick him out....
marriage of convenience as when he did leave it was too inconvenient to go to the only other NHS dentist for 75 km...
All for real.... that box a guaranteed viral ten pages of carefully listed ...STORY
i know npo one in the world ever has done..
Even i though am no wuss stopped feeling ANY 'pain' or discomfort when our meetings became ONLY a battle of souls....
(AND woven within that series of unique podcast material i gotta find one day soon - i have aeons of it...is also STORY... real story..... especially the episode after thinking he wasnt fake and worthy of the girlfriends i attemped to procure... " yannis.... ehh i saw you ... after all our worthy talk truth talk... that six pack of FULL SUGAR coke in your sweaty big hands in the CCOP last week... i mean!!"... even the dentists are pseudeia.com .... but i still 'loved' him.... until.... but the end is another REAl story of this in"human" land... i know one day in centuries to come will be top of the audiobpook charts.... for sure as i can weave actual notfake real story in with seemingly unconnected other stories unfloding
like tears transforming - not copyright me, thats a Tord title - 99% of my words infact 99.5% are utterly unioque from the faeries or muses or what the fuck ios the schema NO ONE knows especially Tolle McGilchrest and sadly even Faggen i like.. and i have been studying " ehh reality is in fact 'idealism'..." the to shelf seem to think is the latest theory of everything, self pitying bullshit .).
But then i have another 'box'' that is far far far more...
Tale of Two Cities, "it is a far far better... " meets..??? hmmmm
But what i do know, despite being MYSELF an arty farty pretentious lover of extremely subtle slow arthouse film....
as so many times i 'share' with the so called 'activists' to be, next lifetime as they half of them think Steiner was sane too.... "piety and earnestness does NOT work... " (especially in YUK britalin... )
to be cont tomorrow or maybe wjhen i put the lid down and remremeber things past that i was intending to write but other words came out manifested by my utter disdain and PITY for anyone lost to 'shamanism' oh yes my audio poem on that too soon.. froma week ago
i am full time and dont have 4000 daily imprints....
not that i ever look
i write .. waffle jot extemporise riff splurge ...because it is BEING ALIVE
And i don't want to... never did... i hate attention i never seek it but...
actual living in the moment is not caring wjhat ANYone but the maybe (ineffables?) or...it is impossible to know what The Sublime is (and chat gpt i had a go a week ago i had no idea it was that bimbo-thick... it wont help you or EVER know how to be on the liminal wave and ....trust... something else will just come up...'creatively' if one must... which of COURSE only "human"s will ever be able to do...except even they cannot any more as they TRY too hard...
thats all....and guess what, go ALL the way.... a kind of mad poetry does take over...perhaps because you are truly free... her "onion skin layers" i know sadly kept silent a far far greater...mind than i ever could be
Apart from anything else as i have had to spend 90% of the last twenty years thinking about ...children.... while someone wastes their life on made up vudu ....
Real life is so so much more dangerous and self immolating...
but unless you try....
you are not free.
They can NEVER ..Bea
Which only makes me unhappy.
my my that was a long one paragraph
and its only half finished
OH YES...a massive 'box' i didnt have a year ago until occasiponally i do meet others - all feet on ground women who agree with me...
GOD almighty the money and time that so many here spend on their dogs
(one of hundreds of funsnaps even film but i would never dare identify even which county they are behind their smiles such utter nasty fascists)
now i iunderstand two things: of course no one fights to protect the environement or even to shut down nazi social services departments....cos they spend SO SO much time on their neurotic little pricessitis of a doggie... what happened after 2020: .. 1200s of times speech " i lived on a real wild N wales farm for a decade and even had a zoo ONLY for my daughter i can smell a chilled out animal at 100 paces the moment i see it..... my my so so many now have been turned into latently dangerous spoiled princesses ... the owners neuroses and despearate need to 'control' something .. as they had lost 'control' 2020 of their pathetic little bourgeois construct...i saw, see still... put into their pooch.... and it is now majority... head in sand doggioe becomes achild to nag who wont scream back......and will end up in many many serial killers down the road as raising a dog to be a princess is VERY dangerous especially when they are older... dogs raised to 'be a dog' are safe....dogs raised to be a "human" ....longrun, arent... any farmer knew that dewcades ago..."
amazingly 5% of female dog owners viciously bark in unison with me as soon as i have LICENSED that truth....
and theres a massive 'box' of /...dirt on the doggie lot, one day, too...
But its artful....
In fact i reckon almost Turner-worthy... in a decade maybe when they figure ehh no one except 3 'activists' (and me) even went to see a Podger... moan about her made up 'gender' or whatever the oldschool word was before we may return to ...sex
After all half the kids in YUK probably 'identify' as furries or ... (there is more to the above picture than one may at first glance assume..i use you dear readers to,,, just be alive...you only see a glimpse of my ... notes output all together a whole lot more.... one day i may get sanely out there.... even the embargoed stuff....one day)
..
