Well, i doth thinkest more than owt..
tiz 2019 clip clop
Aside the one who seemed to have 'it'.
But you don't really know - only time and the passing of it whether it is trendy 'quantum' witches cauldron of everything ever extant bubbling away in one entangled cauldron still there or one in the future... mixing ingredients so as to have the now version
Deliberately absurdist as no one can describe what it is here and now...
(well it certainly is a no-refined-sugar diet, or very little, as it is quite good to be reminded with the odd pack of supercheap biccies when hungry how it does undoubtedly cause melodrama and hysteria to bubble up ... no point saying that to those whom shop in Liddle as even i was tricked into their 'granola' con when in fact its 15% sugar... )
Grace previously discovered... but 2019 a return match:
the only period for quite some years i almost feel midsummerish 'depressed'
'emotionally'? or psychospiritually maybe abetter word, worn out ...
feet dragging in the gaseous swamp of black mould
two years of hot poisonous air from so called " we love Europe" peeps who did NOTHING ever ...
ever...
just like the many 'Greens'.. who do nothing real ever to protect the environment
what do you know ... they are the same people.
Two years .. 2 1/2 actually, wandering among them attempting to have sane conversations:
("what may we do if there were some parliamentary review of this standard political matter?" ...FF spring 2019: " ohh what do you know JC the second helping of Christ was a graceless wimp ....with daddy issues... has put down a motion basically delay and obfuscate and think more.... ohh you didn't hear how he NEARLY got it through lost by only 8 voters.. The official Opposition Amendment (a) in the name of Jeremy Corbyn aimed to set a deadline for another 'meaningful vote'. It was defeated 322 to 306. )
which is quite extraordinary in that the evil nazis of the BBC (i have a recording) said that morning on the live coverage " ehh we have heard the first two motions being debated and voted on, but we wont bother with continued coverage into the third today as it has been tabled by.... him.... JC the second helpin' .... and clearly won't be voted through.[sic or words exactly as lying vomitous] ... " as if the MPS don't listen too to the wireless - mainly 4chan...whilst deciding if its time for a bit more porn in the quiet of the House many colleagues down below involved in the rumpus... away from not only them but all those pesky wives and children who may nose in ... or a meander down to the chamber and do their job... AND ... whether or not their baying on the Commons floor may get transmitted live so they can say to wifey later in the day " well i was there actually baying .. you could actually hear me at one point on 4chan..."
so... August 2019.. weary... why did i bother... ? nearly 3 years ... several bicycle tyres actually worn out in my several thousand km over a few years up hill down dale looking for a few who may just make a sign together in 'solidarity' if some second meaningful vote were called after a meaningful vote... all games but unless those who say they are playing, play... the other side gets a 'walkover' i believe..
in no one even the most avid pro EU few i found over the years cannot KEEP TO THE points .. theyre endlessly off on tangents to make themselves look good...
most copied off morons on the internet - or other way around, the internet is just moron...
no one even noticed: JC nearly got a delay... and a bit of a review.... even my-friend, ultra proEU, Oxbridge educated supposedly students of David Starkey's wank called 'history' of constitutional stuff...
Anyway.... so.... gathering new atchin tans* with recently (late 2018) provisionally embezzled (the future would ensure) 2 grand van money allowing time in lovely laybys away from the beaten track... alongside very little used byways
Maudlin; drained... almost twinges of 'depression' ...
for the first time in decades.
Anyway.... clip clop.... as she comes by.... my window down...and from above i didn't even see her lips move as i couldnt see her face... " hello"
Had seen her ("frig she's the harmony hairspray woman with the Nimble girl smile..") but impossible to byway-chatup due narrow byways and anyway a man cannot stop to talk with a woman not even greeted previously...whist invan....there are rural honour rules...
fast forward a wonderful three months of photos exchanged by wotsup - first time i had used it.... of our respective personal most enjoyed (the smell) manure heaps - the one i got paid to move by Lady [famous] Muck bigger than hers.... and other real rural people banter... " fuckers who insure [with DSM always behind the curtain of iron filings] the yard are objecting at your member...ship being non existant ..let me see if i can lie to them and put you down as ... "
That day at last arosed.... if only she knew just how utterly selfpity traumatised i was at the mere thought of mounting any nag ..it being ten years of being in the wilderness avoiding them as they hurt.... the last time with... [ censored it's my story she an innocent bystander me on standby 10 years so be it thats called [further censored] ..] never mind having to actually google " how to ride a horse" that was not a joke...
And i think above all grace, apart from " hahh hahhh you thought you would get one over on me not one of you... putting me ion him.. biggest maddest muvvafucker in your yard.... well thank you my trauma now fully conquered and i even get to show off to you how fearless i am and zenned no fear just rising to the occasion....so as we were saying....you such a lovely person... and real get back into the saddle just do it.... parenting skills, but no personal breeding ...why not.... ?"
" well i would like to or would have liked to....but i won't be.... because...i am selfish.....and wouldn't be able to take a year off ... i pretty much ride all the year round if not looking after the hunt.. summer eventing...you know i am not fanatical but it is me..its how i define myself ... my calling.... and i am too selfish to stop for a year and.... "
I really do think is the one most beautiful moment of grace i have ever heard
grace merely being honest about who we are...
a quiet private self critique... shared in honest quiet conversation clip clopping along...no need to be so frank but so nice when we do find it
just the real version of who we are
or....
..... were... until.....
(her Pasty Artur... well .... exactly....you want sermons about HOPE .... the watsups i got two years later from the one most beautiful HONEST soul of them all.... " fuck me Laura ...your message and pics..... i near fell off my mount.... ehhh... i never seen a pic so beautiful....... and don't you miss... your previous absolutely 100% needed occupation you selfishly couldnt dream of never being able to always do?.... until 2020 the year of our lord gave your nipper a life s/he could never have dreamed of.... i mean.... i hope you tell it when its old enough the story of.... it only existing due all their hysteria hypochondria and authoritarian rather dumb anti science of get out ion the sunshine, tyranny... . "
I think this is brace...at several levels in fact - it is the most beautiful living being not what we know we need, 'parable'..... i have ever existed within... (well maybe first equal of about 5...one day)
I must rewrite better one day....
* 'stopping places' - the ACTUAL 'activist' she goes ALL the way...all the way means meandering 3 years much of the time so not enough wages earned to eat....and rent and other things paid for in full knowledge unable to pay back, by maxing out every last sovereign of credit on half a dozen cards... fighting their absurd 'sovereignty' bullshit ... patriotism last refuge of a scoundrel to quote The Bard... and anyway 'ACTIVIST' means (its easy to send me whatsaps at 8am today to give me a hard on - the exact desired effect.... i never read anything anyone messages any more, as no one DID anything.... )
so yes if one believes in ones 'cause' almost nothing else matters... all the way by 2017 is obvious - no matter what it takes... meaning every second available try and harvest potential ally or even a few changed mind future voters... doesnt matter if you cannot pay your bills or rent once it is over ... it being over soon... (august 2019) find some lovely new stopping places when on the run from debt collectors and baliffs due in about March 2020.... no problem... as long as there are atchin tans...
Because brighter eyes than even hers.... (the very best of all ..of late....she is fierce...she cares! but doesnt know grace and also having a 'cause' and meaning it, not just getting me hot under the collar does mean ALL the way... there are always ways to compromise on little matters like family ... all the way means there is only education of the next generation and one can do that indeed by getting onesself starving and roofless not as false martyrdom theyre all addicted to, but because thats what you have to do ... and PLANNING is all that matters if one has time ( thoughts, a constant..."i will have time from january 2020 to pack up and ...well... it will be near impossible to slow down and stop as i would love ...for a year if possible! ... just rebuild self and have some FUN.....spend next spring and summer just lazing in the sunshine up in the hills ... . and that NAzi landlordess she will hunt me down for every last few pence i will owe her outstanding so i shall never have peace... ohh well.... i accept the end of all peace tranquillity comfort for ever....")
but then grace is also so enjoying the chats as i am no-hands cyclin' the silent byways in the most glorious spring ever 2020 " ohhh hi...Lowell/ Capital One [etc]... haven't heard from you for a few days...god really nice to get a call... you are my only friend left in the whole world you break up the isolated loneliness i look folrward to your calls.... yes i still have the severe mental illness and corvid bankruptcy everyone else has in the whole land didn't the last lovely lady put it in the notes....so what's your name.... how are you managing ohh my its all so so so terrible isn't it....ohh what a cataclysmic apocalypse. ehh....... listen i live in this glorious parkland many km from any plague cities.. empty lanes..... all this sunshine my my it must be hot in your suburban little homeoffice....... why don't you come and join me and we can go bicycling in the lanes together .. you can call it 'work' tryin' to get your moneylender dues out of me........ my mental illnesses arent too bad i hear on 4chan everyone else is near terminal.... " and..... knowing exactly how to get them to stop bugging you... merely over their silly Mammon...
