( ritten yesterdawn, that's a 'thing' only in that sleep, and a little openness, are the "change" ... but i get it now, in one sentence: as the king of loss, i can exprertly professionally, guruishly say:
.... even Paolo didnt get there - loss is just depletion, but the most important terms of conditions, is don't let them take away or change your real story)
***************************
The yesterdawn:
How on earth....?
Even the punctuation of this performative language, innadequate for...
Mine life.
Born into, of
( I told the blusher yesterlunchtime, " i mean Hemmingway... he did the sea, propper.....with his boat, 'n fish book
...did we meed the million other crap paintings after Hemmer's Old Man genius; Turner whipped it up into something truesublime, magnificent and other, and actual art"
... and she, unblushed and.... smiled... as she pressed her buttons, and made her machanical noise, but that noise will always now have a frisson, of.... timeless two at,
Simple stories, are enough.
Simple, is
" i know everything"
Simple Song.
I am #1
( How the frig'nchips did i Miss That?
on first viewing..
I must have been,
hunkering
sheltering from the weathering
of the crazies chipping away with their vexatious littigating
Even if they failed
to do anything
but just waste my precious time...)
But, getting all orphic
To Bee
All Will Selfish.
( Though sadly, she did not later on rendez-vous,
even if a better one, replaced,
even if i didn't know she had rambled on,
past my perch.
Yesteraft, the simplest of all statement, from the thus far
by far
greatest European mind
Met
On my unplanned meeting European minds as i ramble on the pathway.
The Dutchwoman, with her raggety notnew, no showing off, backpack; containing tent and a few books and not much more else and certainly no ' hydration' equipment, or plasters or first aid kit:
"you ... [ a year of her degree, in linguistix, and the real babel of body language and where it came from and where it's going, done here, and an often enough visitor to this sceptic shopping aisle in the decade since] ... have really lost... something... not of course just some political union, nohhh it's .... so much deeper than that..... and i feel dangerous ..."
One day i shall come back to that extraordinary short encounter.
Because 'twas the end; of enough now.
What with her Dutch sanity, so many others Just double dutch
And the look of consternation only ten days ago as i asked the Kraut at the pagan circle of mumbo jumbo and dodgy vudu, rebranded "shaman", for the atavisti's sales brochures, yes theres always a high price to pay
for Gwerk Sunday lunches, and all that expensive boat paint
" so...do your near grown children speak of ' self harm' ever?"
" what is that? please translate..."
I did not need a dictionary to read her face: why on earth would young adults want to Razors Edge .. their arms, or knees ? for ...
All of which is deliberate slightly obscure gobbledygook; but is not, if you knew my days.
And ... mode.
That word of The Sprout. She had branded her once great social project.
But on mine Odyssey, she - The Sprout, was neither siren, nor wine druggist, but perhaps the real elder from whom to learn, the perhaps truest lesson, about how to live
( did he even term himself on that quest? How to Live, or a life of Montaigne in one question and twenty attempts at an answer is a book by Sarah Bakewell...)
...once fifty something, if you havent figured the principles, or values, or just consistent social mores, or just habits and beliefs you may stick the fuck to.... and Be.. for the rest of life...
well... you aint much use to anyone, and i bet yours will be Will Self-shortened, too...
Anyway wirds, are innadequate.
Paolo.. i had to have a second dose lastereve.
I had to stay in a mode. Few can conjour up.
The end; even if the sight of Michael Caine makes me want to join the Hitler Youth and do the job propper this time...
When he tells the Queen's pimp, why.... is so ...simply... perfect. Incongruous.Makes little sense.
Just
Is
Committment. And you have to chose to committ to one.
But ( though i dont really like the way he has few full frontal female roles- they are all on their backs, or backed up against a tree even better! :-) )
As two fingers, or rather a proper European ' salut' to Gwerk or
( The Netherlander when i said " stupid internet rabbit hole English, dont know that ' Germans' they obsess over, dont really call themselves or THINK of themselves as ' German' any more ... they far more just Be and say... ' European' ... it worked!"
smiled and said i had summed it up)
When in Il Divo...( not really my normal fayre, especially as i just dont know about the other Italy; Jepp's Italy i like:
" we are so absurd, decadent blahh blahh blahh..."
that is a healthy one, as all real honest self critique, is... healthy. But mafia politics and all that.... more egonuts and harder.
But the fine secure, happy, erudite, ...intellectual....woman enterring Andreotti's personal space
" my only interest and fascination is myself "
( words to that effect )
Is so refreshingly honest.
The whole of Hay-Gwerk-shitcreeks-prozac-flavoured-too.... is created around
" we are community"
Indeed I have never had to tollerate such a Selfish mad sick atomised noncommunity, as Hay as it became... from near 20 years ago; yet brands itself " the Woodstock of the Mind" essentially conning the country that there is fellowship through common purpose, finding ones equal on the mental up escalator... that never existed except in their brochures. A theme oark.
As fake as a smiley picture of Gwerkian 'boat people' ... the actual original Boat People escapees from Vietnam i still remember from Youth-ful tv https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vietnamese_boat_people#:~:text=The%20number%20of%20boat%20people,%2Dcrowded%20boats%2C%20and%20storms.
were i am quite sure happier and more ACTUAL " human" than the inhabitants of that particular yet-another-theme-park on a shitfilled ruined river
( theme parks make you sick as great USA film described decades before)
So yes in short Paolo's inyellectual babe:
" i am only intetested in myself.
Gwerk or Hay type ( or Totness therapeutic con artist type at likely quite a lot an hour) " i am only interested in pure community and pure Tolle type pure love and energy connecting us all... we are onneness and no ego and pure Tolleian... even manifesting a thought about just me, is narcissistic self, manipulation and a thought crime..."
I go with the HONEST..man
Who gave us
Also, such genius
Which is still all gobbledygook
But how do i describe, reality?
Twenty years..
But especially the last 9....
A man, recently, saw
He thought
I was some kind of pansie- wuss
But he saw.
i had just got on and done a strong man
outdoorsman job, that needed doing
Snd no one else had for years
And he was sincere in his smiley consternation.
At the quality of my dedication, to the job, no matter what... gets done.
And the ' real' walkers of this rather theme park cliffy place
Consternate, almost audibly at my miles of wanderations, no kit, no sticks... and sandals; or not 'propper' footwear
fuckem
And fuck you, looser Odysseyustoo
Lettin' 'em Sirens get the best of
youtoo
even if " only for five minutes"
How does one ... me ... fuck all the rezt...even
summarise for her
" ' simple' ..."
when
It is do ultra dimensional....
Me
I
It is more than that miserly word
' context'
For example ... to the casual,
gossip
This just a tune
on a Tube
But to me there is an odyssey
And it starts, is indivisable from, letting go, changing...
A Man, Woolhall
said then
"fuck their copyright rules and regulations"
When i guess most of us were shy and unsure,
he was sure and unshyly
and stole it
Resisted
Even if for money-then
Deep down knew what is
THELINE
All the Time
There is ... dont let the cunts grind you down
And if you have the spirit to
keep on boot
legging
them cliffs.....
And catch the best c-juice
dribbles in yer cup.... 99% of the time
But how to describe?
God i never herd .[ notatypo].. that one
Ithaca... i piss in my my pants at the thought of that placename word, the way Hannas suicidere-survivor dad... ismum did it when 'ee was eight.... fuckin ell thats what you call real
' abandonment'...
read that one at mine fathers theme park funeral...
( i am just not English with all their self harms, either 'lite', or the real grown up version like that'n..)
Anyway back to me: the systembeatin' Woolhall... the history - real version
in his cheeky trepidation,
to be there bravely
copyright nickin. But over his shoulder sharp inhalation
of breath every time the security man
evil eyes
is way his boom
stickin out 'is pants
And ... dunno how, but Jinal007 ... got that very best
atmosphere
mesat
there that so perfect atmospheric time of a whole life, often seeking
well, think the blowiest day
on some perfect prominentary
toe in the sea
shore
down below, where
nite afore
he kiddie fiddled
But pushed over the cliff, he won't no more...
( even if i wouldnt, she in Crawdads
did)
Thatlast THE... ultimate birthday week gift, 2020...
( my cave acoustics, stumbling upon it, so rediculously poignant-sublime-true'romantic'- atmospheric, combibed with, ditto, thatperformance... add in that year... my... my... talk about an emotional orgasm the fake karma sutra would be jealous of...)
Anyway, never mind walking the ...pathways
most if 'em on the Liverpool one... all their hydration equipment and creams potions, pongs and ..
and fixatives..
moi basically, naked..
A real man also saw.
ALL of the time,
I'm clear focused all around
ALL of the time
I keep both feet on the ground
I can follow the path
I can read [ and piss on the no entry] signs...
etc
But almost all of the time, too
From Homer's mensesblood red dawn finger pointing, painting
just an irrelevent, scribble
To a bit'o Michel
Seigneur Montaigne
And Alyson's good ones, not about the needy sea...
To ... more than 'equality', in realwoman Siouxsi
And more than any
George's Silas, who didn't trip up drunk
And end up rotting in the bottom of a pond.
Silas' gold in his pocket, really rather out
living him.
...