.. my smattering of recent homevid vids... i have thousands
a splendid silver patina from the swordstick, a very warped man used - nothing to do with me.... accident of whatever, the mother of mine lass, ended up shackin' up with him next.... clearly for years a dark cloud....
playing any lowdown legal game... against my fairly good balanced healthy nature-close life he hated... i would win... but you cannot ever win against behaviour that crosses the line into mentally messing with a child...
thats life.... if it is fixable i guess takes decades.
the silver lining in a silver track left ... worn away patina upon his steel...
from 2003 i would take zillions of' protection' video clips....
a collection i did once show to a judge in fact.... i won
their sad words, then....
But i do have zillions if said protection films... all the way through it became daily habit... just in case.
Anyway i shall enjoy, do.... going through them again, i never have...
Within are 100s of hours constructing, reusing wood in, animal cages.... and loads of animals freely meandering our lounge, kitchen...
some are youtube sensation level ... but thats ' cheating' i have no intetest in cheap clicks..
i didnt want or need many animals around .. 50% of my life from the year 2000 to even early last year was keeping shipshape 100s if animals for my and other kids learning.... and even " love"
And i would " love" many of our crits.. ( Gerald Durell My Family and Ither Animals.. almost home-zoo.....) .But ..
" love" of an animal... thinking, in context.. is different. It is a cartoon version if ' love'..
One may have genuine emotional response to Tom and Jerry...or even the Roadrunner character... or the lovely BBC 70s ? Lorna Doone character....
But that kind of ' love' is cartoon, Disney in fact...
And i wonder, part of ' the' problem .. ..
specially in modern UK . ... 'love' of dog... is not even ' displacement' it is decidedly infantalising ...
loving a " human" is far far more real, hard... and worthwhile if it can be real. ......
Being ' animal lover' the ultimate Mermstyle modern virtue signalling ... i wonder may be part of THE problem...
I doubt splendid Serbians or any former SU peeps went as frankly stupid and in"human" as UK did...
or performs
I knowall stuff with animals is just displacement and avoidance strategy....
even ours to some extent.... though balance, is... through them one learns..LIVES.... each has a far more fabulous sublime unique ' intelligence ' than may be assumed... had one not...
so all i know, is they are a good balance to ego...
blahh blahh... i never boast of animal " love" ... i just spent thousands of hours homing safely the buggers... and when the TomPaulPollyGarchs took over... one knew one was alone...no backup...none could be trusted to put aside their ego neurosis... whatever...
to even REMEMBER...
"this crit wont stay alive if it is out of the pen...
i am not perfect...dont always get the catch on the cagedoor closed for certain so i trained myself to double check always.... no matter what, no matter who calls or texts or screams from next door.... distracting ... they can wait...if i dont double check the lock... these animals will likely die..... so "animals first" ... after young humabs who may be in real danger of course..... means ... always.. ( with codesil)
even that seemed too hard for egomaniac TomPauls...orthe Pollies...
i do have YEARS of them.... this aint a dream, merely real life over decades....
reflected
upon
and its not some " reflection" of my whatever [ judging me] soul.... as so trendy Mr Eisenstein may say
its just a fuckin' fact..
And a fact having kearned to care for dumb animals who cant shout out " daddy you didnt lock the lock propper! we may die!! "
if you have that life in you for years, you can bring the same to a" human" you may " love" .. too...
i wouldnt mind that REAL characteristic, i could trust for rest of life...
but no.... they all complicate it so so so.....
theyre funeral!
i never even let an ember fall from a woodburner
( though 2022 did have to go save life of neighbouring ruralliving junkie who had let that happen ...in his cave... sleeping hours tvrough blaring smoke alarm....i did that despite him...i do have chronicle og that...
proof... i dont ' judge'
...i do ... just get a bit exasperated
especially at the cause: you gotta train yourself first in good habits... to protext mither ' nature's resources, and even keep humabs alive...
habits
thats all it ever was...
far to SIMPLE a word for the ' new age' Profits .. all of whom i saw something or other go wrong for .. stuff gets wasted... even fires and or crashes ...
cos they never stopped to inculcate simple habits....
always knew ' more' ...
liking life, no idea why.... cos they made it so so boring....( after recovering from their secret' habits)
I want to figure the best habits to prolong the damn thing ....
ohh yes thats where past lives next lives fuckin karma comes in....
perfect excuse for being a lazy bum and not figuring how to serve the planet, and others in this one...now
all iknow i am not a
" martyr" to their utterly inadequate world view that indeed does not wish the best for " human"s here ...
now ...
which is incidentally a fairly good definition / metaphor, or is it similey?
for indeed being ' fascist' ...
but no they only ever blame OTHERS for being that....