I can only come here if feeling terribly bulletproof. In the land where even that word attracts accusations of being "narcissistic". joke or not.... studying half a decade the real effect of these new words that are just words, and certainly the wrong ones...
(note to self the fashion show i had no idea how this whole county is a suburb where what you wear and openly display - the dog stuff is apocolyptic even Suzi agrees i send her the odd photo... yest: " suzi... jesus they even put them in onezis now i see... the neurotic sad control ..virtue signallig something so sick i am not of this land no more....blahh blahh... " she agreed. in fact was more cutting. this place its all only about what you LOOK like...espesh here... but i am ok i know plenty of places where one sees no one)
Thirty years ago i do believe i purchased my only larger purchase for .... 35 years ... a 2 grand van. A276 OFJ ... i think that was it.
And began gentle landloping between phases of being vancamped loPing around in that old bus - extremely light on the foot due hydrocarbons..
Anyway blahh blahh... smaller vanloping in fact mainly bicycle loping due no dosh for any vehicle, from 2016ish...(greatest silver lining ever - life transformation lining) ... all the years prior to 2016ish there were clear conventions about STARING and behaviours in pretty rural places or even in less rural places if one is just bobbing around n the cab organising ones day....
2016 it went a bit weird - a bit Jack Nicholson the famous picture of him in the orror movie - i watch none...
But then by mid 2021 .. 2022 really.... a completely new behaviour clicked in that would have been impossible to predict, simply if i die now....
in one word (in other words the genuine troubadour, as i have always been - thats DIFERENT to effete fake bohemian who goes to big festivals and thinks thats real life and all of it loves him...and then increasingly her) ... aside, minorly troubadorish as i have always taken a laptop away aside and at times i have made a living from words, and they way one THINKS aside is so much better even if it takes a tad of adjusting to...
But the freedom from distraction - living in a perfect bubble, especially if in a very hidden away rural place is great...
Anyway this one change of behaviour, the last near two years really is astonishing though as the wise yank writer Theroux said after 9/11 - wait 10 years before saying things...
In one word its a NEEDINESS.... all around. And i almost entirely avoid towns. Pre 2021 countryside places with great wild walks was zen...always ... for most. Not now... there is a truly needy behaviour i see all around - they park up and MUST be seen.. they walk by with a fancy dog so so to be seen... Almost everything is a need, now...
Needy need... neediness... its not interesting as it isn't nice ... and all that staring (100% class relative i have noticed not that i need to understand it) .. but all of it can be summarised in that one word ...needy...
A lost people who needed to figure if Cameron was insane to not set the vote at 60:40 at least which all sane countries generally set their treaty change referenda at ... except no one told them that as its all just auto-talk to look something weird... because of being children ended up jumping over a cliff, and then became so so needy... as lost children 'manifest' especially if ... whateverrrrrr
And they became, needy. All that genocide the Christian bible actually is, may sum up a genocided tribe with a few lines .... in my book, this one only needs that one.
But of course Will Self and co being self obsessed neurotic nervy townies notice nothing...(unlike Cusk who impressed me she notices some things that are actual things, and real in the majority of any country - its greenish bits, even here).. so you wont find it in any real British literature...unless....
But i am a fool with (its so funny this new trend of videos - write 'narcissist' once in any google product and i get a harassing deluge of " and now we have a talk on the covert narcissist wife..." by a woman, thats not very nice! as its a non-term ...but i am not a needy fool i know when a whole new genre now dominates and wont go away
anyway forget them even if its funnier than Monty Python i even writ a poem inspired the other day
ok
I believe that there should be someone who one believes may 'get' ones scribbles... and one may have the pleasure of them as helpmeety type... but thats so narcissistic it should have whole new category and video set of its own...
The end, i need nothing for myself. But have earned everything....
Real bare bones of stories soon. (especially world record items on a self pity list they would be proud to own... ) like... how would it be if you had to deliberately at last be 'homeless' 2 years ago just to send a letter to your own daughter.... and had planned that need about 4 years ago and a bloody bug goes and gets in the way but no ones interested in bugs really just their need to be bug free which is absurd as we ARE bugs....