I need to forget even if just when i know what the problem is...
12.30 hrs along comes a van woman.... one can smell the vanlopers a mile away... even if not one for years has the artfulness to know they are loping around aside.... and that's good! Because the don't, they van 'in' to BE someone to be SOMEWHERE....to be happening and of the it
Whilst i van around to be absolutely no one ever ever ever ever...
But one has a little curiosity sometimes....which is stupid and i know better:
" my my now thats a hat..." to the 40 something with the extremely BobDylanish ( late 70s) elegant hand made leather colourful hat...on despite it being 25 degrees
Now such a hat 30 years ago even 40.... would have signified a genuinely thoughtful and easy soul not aware she was even a she... rather a fellow human who was a bit aside...
And not about to be raped, or coerced or otherwise narcissistically 'man'ipulated...
ehhhhh...i should have known better and kept my gob shut. There is no 'fellowship' ...
FF just half an hour.... wow!
Meanwhile in the not road trip, not blog, nowhere to go.... Been and seen all i need...
WHat is there to 'say' ... ? consuming: it's all the whole thing of i have found the way which i consumed off a duff Sam Harris meditation tape ... other Brands available, and somehow I have CONSUMED the 'answer'....
Well at least someone can be honest
even if one truly sent me wonky age 16 and of course its all about never blaming anyone else so i don't other than jokingly
A bit of 'met my match' ... not that one can even define 'match' without wasting ones life reading all the best Russians, best post Byronix... etc... (the 'TEST': if they eulogise upon Wuthering Heights.... sick! mentally ill death complex... typical English sugar addicted melodramatix... drama Queen martyrdom to no one knows what!... that i have discovered in life a reasonable judgement)
SO keeping to the point: even if LOTS of notes to add in and ponder, if i can ever get a plug, writing more whatsisface Richard Maybe or Helen Hawkish...
which is THE point: it is having NO power, snatching a moment here and there, trusting...in the Muses poison tipped finger and i have absolutely no idea if she wishes to stick it up where it may be fatal or ... prod me in the eye until i do a better job...
NOT thinking ....letting go.
The 'consuming' of others versions of how to live except they are too knobby to ever admire Montaigne (or Bakewell his translator of sorts ) and actually value Montaignes attempts - of his time...a long time ago...to say SOMETHING! original maybe that may just help negotiate the human condition...
There will be no answers in a dead old man of entirely different cultural construct, but there is SPIRIT! Just bloody well try and say something.
Though....come to think, its the impossibility of 'thinking' there is a solution which is the point.
For some years i have various little pat lines only riffed face to face ...as per today....
But i kinda give up. Even if i have diaries of them...
And a few of them have been 3 or 4 years " we cannot ever get what we NEED off a [mindful consultants or embodiment babe's ] 'menu'..." Various brands of that line delivered over the year.
Which is in fact what MY Katrina real-life-reality...story is about. There is no way on earth even the greatest ever Mindfulness zen goddess guru, or Sam Harris... could have whacked me across the head and told me to find my way to HER front door, again... what i 'needed' could not have possibly been in her front room '92- not in this universe and the next where Sarah may have not rejected me age 16 and all cascaded from there hahh hahh... It was entirely unknowable.
it is consuming rote solutions even if dressed up in the worst guru in history David Fuller's utter safe meaningless waffle which poor lamb he only waffles to make him look good...
ALL to a 'formula' all to a certain set of so so so nice-people developed principles and contemporary cleveratti understandings of how the human works...(for about 15 years)
But they cannot think: when almost everyone has gone mad, the definition of madness is keep preaching the same so so so Eckhart Tolle sounding perfect bullshit, which must in part be the reason for the fact of mass partial madness, as its the zeitgeist, and expect a different outcome
But there we go again trying to pontificate when the terms and conditions are not even fully clarified: and i need a holiday.
Consuming 'solutions'... maybe thats the way to put it - this extension of 90s consumerism into a more ultimately dangerous form of something...
Consuming a sense of I am entitled to feel great...
|When feeling great requires one to have been in the quicksands of her creek, spattered in mud... harpooned ... laughed at and threatened with arrest just for thinking of her... for years....
(i speak metaphorically and universally)
Anyway having unplanned spat out (t.i.c.) the only story from my whole life i ever really wished to share...Katrina 92... i just did! no relief from a need fulfilled,, more a case of i know its a good story ... but i stop caring or IMAGINING anyone else may find it even understandable...all i know is the facts that happened.. and it is the only simplest thig that changed me and saved my life way way way en route to sticking my own head in the muddy creek one day... with the intention of it being for good.
NO OXYGEN!
Ahhhahhh... yes thats a reminder
consuming oxygen...
It is as if everyone - certainly in uk - MUST have something to say quick fire thats so 'interesting' ... and really it is another form of consumption of the air .... fill it with them... when they really havent got much thats of any use to fill it with...
The opposite of the above is not sitting listening to a meditation tape going "ohhhhhmmmmm" thats just as much consuming ...
consuming attention?
Maybe thats a better way of thinking as i talk out loud via my fingers having met a bright eyed one ...two in fact Mr and Mrs...
I shall no doubt never meet again sadly...
Because people also consume their 'privacy' their 'quietitude' - i did so many years...
So its time to shut up and only go backwards now and add in illustrations and some audios missed and bits of film ... merely (in fact thats the thing - they have even consumed the need to categorise everyone as a bit asby a bit lost a bit this and a bit the other... YEARS all i wanted was a female witness to be able to testify if i did the dead parrot "dad was actually the most together person imaginable never ever panicked never lost it always organised [ pity him all English women UTTERLY hate a man like that].... always same mood every morning at first light.... never needing ANY mind altering stuff or even mind altering states... and actually did a fair few SOS family assistance things NO ONE ELSE could ...especially Margret 2020 killing herself... and not only wouldnt dream of stealing her secret pot of gold, preempted an gossip that may be his motivation by recruiting a local farmers wife to make sure she was witness to every moment being around the woman...no one else could help not even her own son... and never ever got angry... ever"
