My - a word i do not believe in, only saving grace, as a human being, is in fact quite curiously i have never believe d in the 'self'.. I - a word i hate - even if i like the lumpen biome [official term] of THEMIX in a "human shaped sac" that is a splendid symbiosis of majority non-human beasts and bugs and wriggly slimy things that dont have our DNA - by about 90% majority - OBVIOUSLY not actual wriggly things that slither in and out of your holes (the Green party are obsessed with, if you are on their under30s email connected circuit of prostituting false pity for votes..) but once did in the not too distant past and THEIR immigrant DNA went and mixed up with the 'human' DNA and most of the human form can be traced to recent inhumanity..
A good reason why UK should Be in that Hague if one needed any other...
So, yes... the self, the individual... not something i have been party to, i don't get it but i do not recognise the 'individual' even if awful Curtis made his silly Tom-Paul Katrina-Polly new expert guru crap about a century of ... them...being all selfie..
Lets abbreviate them to TPKP ...even if the only way she could afford her 100 grand Discovery runaround whist the DeLorean or whatever fancymobile they need is in the garrige...and supercool silent highest tech...hidden CCTV cameras just up the creek*..ooops down flow.. from Gwark.... and all that time to browse the web to look for facelift technology that may actually...work..
*unlawfully peeking, no signange...
Is cos she found some way of wriggling out from hos 'control' by accusing him of it to some judge no doubt so she could be liberated to go and spend half his loot from dodgy dealings on her hobbies..like chasing nice smiley walkers off despite there being no signage saying its HER private sad little hide away...or rather large, and growing .. due her converting lovely flowerful fields...to more dwellings for her lady friends who have to hide out a few months in 'privacy' ..as their facelifts didnt quite...work...
So its mainly KP.. hedgefunded by TP... so she can get in some 5 grand teepees as well from the prosies of Hay-on-Wye teepee inc...
sadly used to be... decades ago
my 'friends'..oh well how sad, never..
with which to entertain their children...oops grandchildren...
Anyway where was i - i really do just rif never plan the words although awful just flow. Picture the scene - half an hour of battery, you turn on the machine - this - to simply write .. a few sentences, i forget them now but i KNOW the muses send them back after they went and pulled me...aside... when i didnt have the first idea what i was going to type,....very quickly due no batt...
And PK just materialised without thinking...NO THINKING... thats what 'belief' is...
so yes where was i ... i do not believe in the 'self' - ahh yes its come back now, only 'patterns'.. one may be personally to a pattern book of only one but most folk (except mrs UKTOO-that-Hague.. - though we may have far too much Tolle and co patterning in as imprint for anyone's good) most ...all really, are blowing in the wind to one pattern book or other...
there is no 'self' it is absurd... Cuirtiss pollutes the shit creek of TP even sat lonely in hios creek...bored enough to plow through all Curtis' The Century of Self... (his one about the Mayfair set was bang on though - he should have stopped there..Tiny Rowalnd James Goldsmith and afew others SO HATED the rest of their private school clubby chaps as they werent quite allowed into ALL the clubs.. they alone no one else caused BREXIT - i have many earlier essays on this and io do know what i am talking about i flew their private whoremobiles.. they are all without fail quite bitterand twisted - reactionary.. that is what no mummy AND daddy for most of the time, and a private school does to you - twists... Golsmith simply set off a firwework to make the noise to drown up the wailing in his own head "why has my mumdad chucked me out!!" which of course later day 'manifests' to use the mermaid words which are even more evil than his words became... " damn them so they love all their easy European travel do they...well we shall see about that wont we ,... and no customs officer will ever have the balls to search mine or Tiny's big penis extension learjet or gulfstream...or 707 if my memory serves me well..
why did i open the lid? ... 'self'... patterns...groups...herds...? hmmm...
And the ultimate self martyring immolation on a spike of hot air is i know no one can read any more...
Especially a rather (soon to be) fully woven together collection of pictures, videos ...excerpts from radio things...podcastaudiorecordings i.e. 'tapes'...
which is in toto if it can be complexified then edited back into super simplified version...worthy of a Turner...
And a prize for quite good poetry.
Never mind an essay one - is Pulitzer yank? hmmm...
Except 10 years ago i discovered the VERY worst thing for being in the zone, dancing with angels chasing Zorba around his hill with a shotgun demanding he marry HER (the one they murdered - sexiest cinematographiced woman in history - fully clothed - simply superb backbone...MARCHING...loudly up trhe cobbles)
or else!
he one thing GUARANTEED to kill true liminal just letting go...is when a famous [now professor] London luvvie, despite ongoing hedgehog skin wars...the Taxidermist, her friend too... emailed " hey...i can feel a certain truly original mad poetical energy in your daily diatribes just spewing out any old thing....and i do GET it..."
This is death - that someone tells you they think your way with them (ONLY came from hell 13 years ago!! priior that i was Mister Controlled write propper always even if each sentence takes a year to polish to gun... what do they all want their Rangerovers in...gun..? well most were actually funded by gunshots in bongo bongo land or ...i forget....
and fabulous intellect with words is even 'acceptable'....
compliment never mind the 'like' button utterly destroys the individual and ... creative uniqueness...
and then one just becomes like the rest... I HOPE NOT!!!!
Thing is...my artist coven.. they have all part spat it out they are sick of cheesy twee rather tame crap....
everywhere...And so they must mean some..thing
......and all are mums in their 40s... (plus 2 youngers who need mentoring but a man camnnot be safely alone with anyone in Uk false allegation centre of 5the universe as we have heard this week .... yet again.... so a bit of womantoring..or mumtoring... i wish i could fix up...but it takes two to dance that platonic dance around the kitchen...even if its FUCKIN THE BASIS OF CIVILISATION... eledring youngsters who seem to have different 'selves'...)
which if you ask me is 'the (only ) DEAL.'.i am aware of the fairies angels and gathered demons demand of us if we have bothered living beyond fifty...or else!
i just follow the patterns of the past peoples who got us this far so am in fact just a patterner... except i knew about 40 years ago certain new patternisation... is not very sustainable...
even experimenting a decade of pretty selfish super successful as the atomised extremely self contained 'self' needing no other selves (except to tot them up as whether or not they could be 'controlled' into being my contacts into my address book who may pretend to be friends if once a year i had adrink with them...)
but bizarrely i never for a second BELIEVED that was any kind of way to be... or ideology worth even exploring...
'self' never isMaybe that was old man Ralph...a truly healthy attachment with one old geezer....
Maybe thats what that does? despite a family almost invented all these uber newways... all who died or whihthered away unhealthily...
takes a village to raise a child...
and stop him being him...self
maybe
