those - these little glitches...
I have learned one thing in life, maybe above all (as if to jab me into remembering what really is life): as i jot the last section of the last entry, it goes into the weird reverse typing mode. I cannot get out of.
Far far too many close enough associations with people for twenty years. Necessary long periods in the metaphorical 'cave' - in fact droughty stark wilderness a better description, otherwise just too many people. But never as shallow charmy clique people. Many in true anguish with legal or other oppressing attacks on their children by the baddies.
Too many close associations, acquaintances... (i know not what a 'friend' is - those on rural fringes in less peopled places need allies - help move a broken motor, or cut up a fallen tree, NO MATTER WHAT..'personal' feelings may have been - honour, alliance... platonic helpmeets..)
Lesson: never second guess. It was impossible to know what is in the head and actions of another (sad that - i thought ha was almost what the enlightenment was about!)
And as for.... second guessing why on earth such a weird fault has come along - Mi5 messing with my machinery hahh hahh... (that so many new age fools love to get angsty about)... there lies such a waste of time - they wasted it.... one can never know who may be fiddling where...what any other person may have as motive...or wish, so dont second guess.
Live on knowing ones own course is healthy and good..
Memories - or habits, or... worst word ever 'lifestyle'. Never mind almost a religious schism. 25 i had to train myself to awake at 5am... simply for one reason. as the computer came along as mode of communication - the days when an email was a letter that would get a real reply - a real human being human... was a correspondence and communication; living aside in marginal places the only way my broadband even slightly worked - 10 minutes for an email to leave the outboox...sometimes,m was to use the damn hing so early before everyone else was up and munching away at the so minimal signal in the wires...
I am back exactly a that time... good. Pretend the intervening years did not happen (i joke but i is time to) ...one thing did: Seems no one can actually correspond in any human simple way of email out, in, comment back..
And one thing i do 'know' - every woman i have ever met, seems somehow intimidated by even knowing someone may be up with the birds.... as if my mode somehow agresses their mode... somehow undermines... perhaps to them shows up their imagined 'laziness' ..or does tap into a lack of self esteem
I still dont understand. Except i do a one level - the rural setting - up with the birds... when one wakes full of energy every day no matter what - as one must - its he best habit of all, because bodily everything really is about just getting on with what is there afront, new - always new... find something useful in he day ahead. Is all so stark... i never think of any negative in someone not as lucky as me still in their dreams or tossing and turning... i sleep like a log, always, and wake like he lightest of lightweight bird.. ...dancing from dawn..
