You wouldn't even know....

 

Now.....

It would be far too distant to even say "Malta"

Because, among many other things, as i type "go online and monitor the raw sewerage outflows...." well i did just that, just 100 yards away...and no one actually cares. As i know, as i find out.... not online...

In fact their memories, simply don't seem to exist....

But one thing I know, is that mine is superb, and i remember exactly what i have said over several weeks, to my 'inner circle', in respect of someone who - irrespective of me,  does need some simplest good eldering; mentoring... but deep down a fair bit of quite simple guidance into quite standard, fifty plus  year known of, psychological work...

  On standard issues...

That entirely disable

But what is so interesting it is almost thrilling - in a book-to-write manner, is the complete and utter 'ghosting' (even if like all these new words it does nothing but complicate, what was a simple previous word, for propriety or just following through, what ones image is..) , and contemptuous self obsession, pretty much everyone from that 'inner circle' has shown, in respect of assisting one quite simple case of many year partially abused woman...

Nope...   

I may as well have been speaking with their 'carers'  - they of course would deny any need for, and be hearing " not able to actually ever mean what they say [or project through their expensive lifestyles, usually shown online] , disorder" 

None of many self appointed goodies i have long enough known, ever ever cares... especially when they are asked to just assist some poor lost lamb, a litttle...with quite standard grown up 'solutions'.

But then, out of the blue. The paid 'carer'* with her young woman cared-for Sue of the simply extraordinary laugh...

* is it that only women once of the land can ever meet your eye and you know they speak all of it, and it is true:

 "ohh i really really hate him....still..... but he is at least a good dad to our three younguns....  "

"did you make a written peace plan ..?"

"yes... and it has all gone well..... he has them half the time... and yes it liberates me.... to have enjoyed my new man and.....to work, and have  a good life.... no he wont be coming to our wedding next  month.... but all has gone so well..."

"i can see you are such a content and happy woman... and so healthy....and Sue and you wow what a funny laugh you both have...

"that peace plan.... that half-the-time..... here look at my paper clippings.... i invented it. it was my work... near did me hahh hahhh look at my head - not much hair left..... my lass went on the wireless to speak about hers,the first in uk ever...

"what an utter joy ... god i am quite emotional with joy....to have met you and hear, and SEE...a truly happy woman, who is honest..... and know that my work back then was not in fact a waste of time...and my life... that it worked for at least one of you....."

THE END..... 

So now i actually can begin. 

Even if i know there is almost no point, except for my own  inner centred peace and enjoyment of the simplest possible living, and sharing it,because when one has just spent two weeks attempting to find good, sane, wise help for a woman in standard long-term (lifelong) emotional difficulty, and  well written simple requests for smallest facilities and input, and ideas about referrals, are so contemptuously ignored... by mainly women who could afford to at least  make a call and see what they could do......because they subtly display quite expensive (and time rich)  lifestyles  in their rural paradises... their new-Woodstocks... on sewerage-filled-Wye...

And they know i have great (kindly) authority in these matters 

And not one can ever go beyond one people pleasing paragraph.... by return

There is no hope, ever, for  this society...

And i have a decade of proof... of the facts.

But i am not going to be ever depressed by their truths - i never am... because i follow the simplest rules: be outdoors, walk a lot, bed at dusk, up at first light.... have genuine purpose... that is real, and not for profit, beyond simplest expenses....

And twenty years ago if someone had said to me my own life would become textbook completely functional, even faced with the recent full on fuck up... i would have said "dont be utterly off with the fairies, the notion i can get from here [then] to there [ now...and for a decade], is as likely as a Black swan flying by and dumping shit, interwoven with pure  golden filigree all over my balding head "