oops must remember to edit the top bit of this page - which is not a page, it is simply a stream of quite sane consciousness, that is a fountain of knowledge, based on many years observation, of reality, to say "go to bottom right hand corner, click on 'older posts' and start from the first 'post' which will be three or four pages 'back' - in fact really it began mid February this year; anyway, tidy up later.
Because when one does mean what one says, one carries on as if the good thing may have happened. And it was obvious what the goodness is. Some truth, as exemplified in this, yes war crimes... and a truthfulul person says just that, even if it may not be a truth they can really face up to, day after day in real life, as that would interrupt the need to pretend all is well, for business reasons...
which i know is hard to really live with, within...
https://drive.google.com/file/d/11_Voc_0OFX96JExjSy7QU84qzsKq4fFA/view?usp=share_link
oh yes - sort of gone to m4a files apparently better than mp3 maybe be necessary to download some convertor although Macintosh apparently always plays them...
which also reminds me this page/ site/ load of waffle, will NEVER be 'optimised' to be 'read' on a mobile device. Because one cannot.
That is all i have really learned in 15years of 'causes' - how smaller screens, and sadly smaller mentalities arising due to them, it seems nothing that ever ever goes between humans via them, is ever any actual real 'truth'.
Except... "there is always one..."
Having resumed the him-and-i battle to the death, a few weeks ago, through words.... the depth of our love is even deeper, especially now i can "bully" him that he built the 'theme parks' like a good little Fatcherite...
We - him and I, proved something a long time ago, that "love is", hmmmmm?
to be continued.
That maybe is what it is - him and I, we just continue, and we started for only one reason, we both knew we were not like all the rest.... we had at least one original "bodily" thought of our own....
As the endless daily diatribe of so so funny seditious "ancient texts" between us only prove.
Lots more to stick here, even about this morning (probably yes she did it last night), soon...
But who is Miss Chan?
weird...
what is not weird, and something i must accept as the real story of my life, is that no one could ever mean what they say "yes i want to change my habits and get up earlier in the day like you do ever day no matter what, as i know it is MUCH 'healthier' ..."
Because the real story of my life is that for years every single woman i ever meet, back of her mind actually fears this (in me) ....
Because they all came from the cities where they developed their night bird habits.
And none actually can ever believe in "change" even when they try to make money from that word.
I was the one usually up latest most of my twenties - and unhappy too. And then something happened. I found a purpose far greater than myself. That made me stop thinking about myself: love for someone - well three of them azitappens, who I loved... who were too young to care for themselves.
And guess what.... ever since that moment i awake every day as early as i can within reason, so i can get my day done, before they awoke - as became my habit, so i can actually BE with them every single second of their awakeness....
Because i actually Lived - i BE that purpose.... and this change actually came without any need for courses or workshops, which never work...and are for the lost and lonely ...
That is all a kind of 'conjecture' and so is this: because 'science' will not do 'research' into the multiple real benefits to waking with the light ad going to sleep not too long after the dark comes...
Because of course no one can actually make any MONEY from it...
But i think i have discovered a LIVED, BE'd extra real benefit - maybe it comes in middle age,but no matter how lonely (the killer - the mindfulness wellness course lot cannot ever admit because if they did they would have fully inclusive workshops - all opinions, all types of person, from fascist-bigot white supremacist to lazy opportunistic self obsessed immigrants son's like my best and most admired friend in the whole world, welcome, ALLways... just come and make new friends! that is real help !!!)
Anyway ...'mood' - we can call depression or bleakness or whatever...or lonely angst or desperation.... i have the worst of all 'risk factors' for many years if we amalgamate radio 4 and DSM (what are we on 5 is it ?) all the 'experts' in the world....
But as long as i get up at dawnish .. i feel great always...even when a sad minute of mourning must be held as today
because i really did hope - infact i KNEW, one, she was different.
