Real reason one would not have one second of one's life any other way; real reason - only just realised, no one helping me - even those hinted they would, with the great 12 1/2 year dystopia, indeed thankyou.
I wrote an essay 12 years ago about what we want and need.
I must find it.
It is very 'cup half full'
But that is modernday trying so hard as everyone does.
REALITY is waiting...waiting until one is the other side of a series of 'feelings' - as long as they are real and constant - sustained.
Only then do we know or can we say with some objective wisdom what we actually DID 'need'.
Now, this requires context.
short video essay 21 Oct 2022
one of these should work
https://mega.nz/file/TqxhERSI#h8qlakjNRv4WsNwTojUAx-G91iSMokSZ9UeDl-e_k5o
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vjwdFG1pYGKFttRWBZG9OT5xs2axEKlx/view?usp=sharing
two new filestores.
Whole life rebooting - all with a clean slate. New name... the works...total freedom.
But, "terrible". If one wishes to write all the way there is no 'terrible', there is just what is.
The 'purpose' - in that the above rather trashes the pretentious word 'purpose', is only now for the new phase of life, to just possibly find one or two 'writing partners' which may mean simply soulfully supporting one another attempting to say something...interesting
Now, Voltaire only wrote Candide when he was sixty...
And i have had a wonderful life of right Voltairean stuff including the ex lover - queen, trying to lock him in 'her' dungeon forever...
Not one second would
i now i know
be without
Except there is some serious business: on the day. Unlike anyone else come a 'day' - the day after the end of Liz day, twice in a month hahh hahhh!!!
Friday the 21st...
So like any jolly good Orwellian " well lets go live among the scroffs and find out what makes them tik tok..."
Even if i know i will find nothing, off oi go, nomad hoboing up the train line
And of course i meet Louise - twas the time, the kairos, and in front of Rachel, too.
And of course as the day went on i must go and ask her the question
" can i ask you a question, don't worry its not personal... i consider you the true archetype of the thinking woman of The Marches....so... if in a few years there was the opportunity.. do you think society should revisit, review, reconsider brexit.. or more likely a Norwegian version... [ you too thick to know called the EAA].... "?
And by the fuck-off way, when i write i have Joan on ... for rhythm i just type i don't think it just
poetically flows...no matter what and...
And as for 'love stories' - I ain't no cynic - i have only ever encountered one woman who as soon as i said Joan... she said
"ahh... she of diamonds and rust.."
And no matter what i may think, myself - as only what i think makes any difference to me, i know that only one person has motivated me to get the fuck going and finger out and... broadcast.
But it will take a little time to weave this into something good, especially when at last I know exactly what it is in final form.
but then the next day a further thought - more than any thought, comes, just why that word is so utterly wonderful. And i do believe the most important word in any language i have encountered.
The S word.
however ... mixing in - the same day recordings in a large library...even the librarian no longer in UK as often found before KEEPS QUIET...so someone needing to use it can concentrate... there is NO hope until our societies also address this
as i have been, too
it is an ultimate narcissism and angry child inside...(it is always a woman in those roles and with those behaviours) ..and i know what happens if one writes about such people... they too try and get you arrested ,.. :-) tiz time to spill ALL the beans
