The psychology of simplest living, via my stories of many years truly simplest living. Real ones - not earnest or pious.
Ten years a landloper. Time to tell those tales, too.
Ralphschism.com My permanent one home online started 22 feb 2023.
Start at the beginning (first 'post' - click 'older posts' bottom right hand corner ). Themes are developed and then woven together - a series of regular essays. Some in handwriting; some audio/vid.
ONLY peaceful nice content here. 07958 5263eight1
'persist'..... if i become a dead parrot any time soon, that's the one big buzz word that trumps their "resilient" even 'stoical' and espesh the dreadful Noweigan's "struggle"....
Never mind having heard the younger 'therapists' training each (and demanding ever entitled labels to be cutseyhurtier... such as "my handwriting its terrible" ) other, my ohh my....
Nobody will 'get' it that persistin' takes a LONG time and you never know what black swan comes along outof the big blue yonder, and pecks yer pecker off..
Or maybe does the opposite...
Til it does.
And the notion that the human mind can even be understood never mind told what the ferk to do beyond a point, is the number 1 hidden Nutyism of the century...
Most of it....
Staring with her and her " maybe you got asberers too...." seems like another lifetime ago, not that such a dry one is gonna be making any more...
(basically a default accusation when she's too scaredy cat to let go and do exactly what they all say they want..)
Anyway all i know is that my handwriting had become fairly awful but even with the Worst of Times
in the background (its about NOBODY ever positively 'caring' or even smiling)
it's so nice when over some years persiting, merely other ranty humanity (whom nowadays have the painted on Youtube smile especially if neurotics off on mere tourist holiday in their #vanlife)
Ones handdwriting just rewires itself gradually to get better quite out of the blue
And one realises that one was wrong thinking this is some permanet change, or 'charateristic'
But try telling that to some younger...
Funny thing is there has never been a generation so shamaniacally second sight in tjhat they do KNOW that they need some authentic guidance... innately they know every saccharine smiley penile vaccum pump they ever see online or even read the words of npow fabulous Raynor did the world that service..
is shallow sallow vapid vacuous and invalid
Authenciity means worthy of being being repeated.
To be cont
Now i am ...free....
strange thing is first communicant, new region, kids born in the region years ago, here 40 years... (the usual friend who committed suicide recently they ALL seem to have in their 'friendship' circle -s funny that i call that fact rather than the fantasy theme park version peddled to make money from fellow peddlars in the 'spiritual' shopping aisle ) does say its all shit... middle class shamania - even the farmers...
Problem is .... someone will find its the same shit everywhere... i knew 20+ years ago...
"it felt like all the space was trying to be filled"
So it is entirely understanable that the youngers cannot see beyond their forever twitchy nose, what it's all about.
About a month ago = live on.
Righty ho, an impossibly earthy-rural summer, soon
19 june
despite the landlopers upon the county of litterbugs too lazy to do something about their debris
(much larger than it looks, the camera can lie)
second of July, that day...
But if you told them " all that nature on your profiles and so perfectly filtered water in the compulsory water bottle, yet 75% of the times i through this gate this summer in your 'nature'.... ehh ...its left open... so guess what the farmers will fight back and ... "
They will accuse you of some microagression or even worse invading some personal space or
But i don't blame them i blame only my gen as 'twas obvious where it all would lead.
Monday, 6 October 2025
free substack audio
How to 'self care' yourself to better 'mental helth': care about something else that's more important than yourself... for the common good. It does work you know, but you know better... bless your wonky souls
skip this for now ... more to do if i can be bothered
probably copyright someone else
not something i ever do... and if i ever quote a loony-Bard line i always sayso
But even that would be 'assumption'. I have never been anybody's fan...or maybe only one man's ...(oops that has been in drafts over a month)
This is NOT finished yet, even if I found the wonderful kraut word for, really thats it I am dead YOU all killed my belief in anything, forever, so you can fuck off and die, too...
Which i thought this July was bound to happen!
As i put my summer into someone else who IS a great writerly mind.
And i knew that nobody would be sticking their noses in here, at all...most of the time a few years 100 pageviews a day maybe 200 the occasional spike i havew no idea why...
. and good 'mental health' is proven by things like almost never looking at 'stats' So don't ask me who you are.
The actually dangerous immigrants, who won't be "rounded up" bein' they took over; And will have-a-nice-day ICEY smile as they push you over the lip..of their Grand Canyon
oops the real title should have been "they got the wrong Charlie"
Having seen rather hilarious hysteria at their (i do mean Britolin's ) .... guru-Charles..
who actually DOES have 'influence' ....especially in places like Hatesville. I think the clue is in her word... for the neighbours.
Except of course even she won't be 'constant' which is kindof your JOB having got to be 53 or...4:
Know what to say to the next generation. As they do need our guidance and do listen.... a bit at least. I know i did to my own wonderful old yokel humblest peasant attachment-mentor...
especially Sam Harris, and sadly even Meg went all wonky
Now this one really does matter ... may well be old hat ancioent history but in my constant opinion for some decades our younger people DO look for useful recent cultural answers however the BBC go and rewrite even the most important recent period when almost everyone really did only pity 'yuppies' ...
(all i care about is your 'mental health' is ensured even in the Worst of Times if you get used to hardly having anything ... its so interesting nobody can listen: " i know one fact is anything can be a factual fact, if, 2010....worst imaginable times.... full Bristol stool off the chart liquid shit for a year thats what grief does... had i had some comfortable or even adequate domestic setup to go and feel bad in, it would somehow have been even more emotionally shitstained pants at the cliff edge may as well jump..)
substack long dull audio I know you wont hear anywhere else..
free to listen no subs required
Rewriting History (on the important and good culture of the 80s all 'against' crass spivviness)
American Psycho turns 25 this year so Ellen and Mark investigate the world of yuppies on screen. Guests include American Psycho director Mary Harron and co creators of Industry.
(VPN NEEDED IF NOT IN THE UK NOW THEY "we are mnaking it safer and better and more worldwidely wonderful by restricting our output to only what we want to pimp via our curation 'app' " went even madder .. the poor unparented so called younge happenin' r media moguls and their workers)
I shall attempt to put something more coherent and infotaining, here today
This piece will be maybe built up over a few days.
Not that anyone deserves my efforts.
Thats the POINT!
plod on because one can.
righty ho now if you think pomegranite 'late' is a good thing and splendid human evolution you won't get this. So go and get some pills from your doctor to make your self pity worse...
Only loads of strong black coffee, every dawn no matter what, is one thing that ... (?) but of course " a cup or two.." is the default risk averse nonsense..
All my life i have tollerated just fine at least 7 or 8
And then by lunctime all drinks ceased...not even water to 'hydrate' the self when walking - in VERY hot condits
If just one REAL thing can get you through the day, and years of the same old even if one cannot say the word in England or any other region of the sceptic aisle, and it certainly isn't 'me' - it is indeed "fight"
Even if the real 'fight' is with the millions who preach mindfulness or yoga - or some other self pitying failed wank, over actually day in day out speaking with folk so so 'nudgy' about little things like ALL human activity effervesces mollecules into the ecosystems
so "THE COMMON GOOD" is to at least set example and for example even when years we lived high up in the actual semi wildness with a very narrow and steep backroad subject to serious winter ice SOMEtimes ...i have never owned or even considered owning a 4wd...
The 'common good' is remebering thistermorn even with absolutelly nothing except a continual for 35 years ,low level inner worry that iof one exists so ultra thriftily something can go genuinely 'wrong' at any time that actually matters..
And when it does its a good lesson - indeed an evolution.
rembering i forgot the biggie - playfiully parroting the best pathtalk of all...the common good
And how speaking with a wonderful European a few days ago (even she on the pills!) at least i can give great Rough Guide style information - as all that matters is the information: " the real difference luv between here and over there is that here if one uses the phrase 'the common good' - even for example ' it is for the common good to not go to the doctor unless one is REALLY really certainly seriously ill as you may be taking the slot that someone who really is definately on death's door may need' people look at you like you are a mad person ... and if you are constant and thoughtful in your oracy to stick in the term 'common good' almost always , it makes them have a panic attack and not sleep for decades .. whereas in your splendid Europe its amazing i speak with many Europeans about that phrase and none of them look as if they want to jab their silly walking poles into your eyes... "
And a non Anglo-yank (i do think this aisle only became) can actually sit for at least a quarter of an hour whilst we trade parables about " ahhh you say your walking poles saved your life that one extreme day....well hang on had you never become addicted to them maybe your innate human natural balance and forward scanning of the terraine and indeed windiness may have prevented you slightly wobbling at that cliff edge place in the first place... " and be totally human and not even need to state " we agree to disagree.." by her fabulous body...
language. And sincere warmth that effervesces we're all innit, together
So the 'common good' - and one doesn't want to sound portentious here or use big words that poor Russell Brand is addicted to using, to 'people please' in an extremely wonky way - sort of inverse I am a man of the peeps and trust you not to want to spit at me for using words that require a dictionary at hand to listen to endless nonsense - i know as i have several decades of 'lived experience' of how his flocks are all targic little people pleasers, as he never got over being addicted to being himself, and anyone stupid enough to think the 'twelve steps' works with some 'divine' nutjobbing in the background should actually work with a few from their top rung who whilst preaching "once you have got over the drugs beware as a frequent placebo addiction comes along whereby you placate everyone with people pleasing disease - saying lovely 'for the common good of EVERY lovely living thing' stuff you have no intention of following out as you forget you say it as soon as you say it ..or just saying you will come and claim the free holiday [2021] in the sticks in return for being a mature elder and speaking nicely with the middle aged junkie i was attempting to get to the 'program' but a man can never be listened to in UK for a decade plus so needs a fellow commoner doing her side of the equation... nope no hope...
Anyway i digress, well not really...
The common good is over a long period of time realising that one doesnt actually need a fridge - i havent had one 16 years and am not aware of being poisoned, and speaking about this, perhaps pointing out that at the same time the middle aged - most or many so so "i'm off on my solo pilgremage to find 'myself' .. " so rarely come back and realise that 'be the change' means try and most of the time do two per woodburner or even fridge...
If you must... especially if its only used to keep cool the usual Neals Yard type elite superfoods they think will keep their brains so elite when they cannot even rember all the many things discussed over a month or more that are all prefixed by 'for the common good' .. " this film idea could be put to your money man.."
But a more common good is how when one hasnt had a fridge so long, and thistermarch using a temporarily vacated 'barn' (the 'taxpayer' was paying rather a lot for) is, good for me, a decade and a half of the exquisite quiteness most dawns not even a humming fridge motor... when one is in the presence of one, humming away to keep that one cheese all cool, how distracting and rather unpleasant they are so turn it off but make a note to remeber to turn it back on before leaving...
(i keep forgetting that one - the latest tempest of blowing debris in the Kate Tempestupous nonsense that comes out of their mouths for several decades - started with 'spiritual' and 'bipolar', melded into 'control' and 'narcissism' and endless other labelling - in my day the one label i think generally worked was you are what you say - meaning if one is accusing someon else of some trait its often there in the sayer even more... but then the endless space cadet - its not even 'new age' - original new age was a bit ok... endless speak-to-perform yumminess and loveliness when the woman who said the above during discussion on how to actually assist her so called friend with terrible state 'violence' against her being a mother always as they always do for some years make it about THEIR made up credentials of loveliness... funny thing is every 'empath' i have had the time wasting experience of encountering as that word becomes the latest on-trend late night Fakebookery ... and spills into real life...in their real life they arent even 'aware' they are wasting your time as every word is as meaningless as a self pitying Tempest tune... merely designed to line her pockets.
Michael Buerk chairs a debate examining the moral issues behind one of the week's news stories. With Tim Stanley, Ash Sarkar, James Orr and Mona Siddiqui.
I should have spent that night sleepless with exasperation at how stupid and uneducated the so called chattering class - the problem is they arent as in fact they influence policy too...
all politics is is just those with some public platform over long periods repeating the same dull ideas... finding new ways to put the same points...
(arrogance is thinking first go will work )
Anyway to be curled up in my tincan fridge and hear the suposed best minds of this generation - Stanley is a lead Torygraph AND 'Christian' speaker for gods sake...
Discuss 'inherited' wealth sideways and not even manage to get in as the greats of the past knew from Mary Anne evans to Tolstoy and all of Bates and even a lot of dodgy DH
never mind Bovary even most tv addicts get to that one
inherited wealth almost always HARMS the inheritor...
To have a discussion on that topic without the as we all know sometimes, even oftimes, damage, mentioned
Is the end of the whole Enlightenment.
And SO thankfully i never myself inherited a penny as of course it was all pissed away - the grape so often did, does...always will...
But also i happen to have known years gone by various examples of how it still turns you into a self pitying cabbage with nothing to say (except 'we were callously ghosted by Jools when we offered our latest live performance to his peeps.. ...such prejuidice!" rather than maybe its cos it was all always crap... age 63...not surprising he loves to put it all down to depression..)
(" even if you are extremely hungry please dont pinch our apples" - i got my revenge on her a little later)
Anyway i meander for years - the last five especially enjoyably... even if quiet fringe places only. All towns packed with mad really sick dodgy junkies (another reason really women as they become desirably aged are of course endlessly suffering some condition or other as fear of madblokes affects blokes too and the madduns rarely go for couples...and all angst does have some mind-body negative effect over time.... funny that the Greens think there are other solutions ... i shall come back to later)
"fight" is such a hard word.... because it's not really fashionable. And anyway has been utterly sidetracked into having opinions one or other side of the great 'societal divide' - which doesnt exist.
Me, for 15, but especially the last 5 years, almost every day way before dawn (this time of the year) i am up in the sublime quiet - nobody could give one fig for me...
(nobody did 15 years even ones own world champion self pitying mother scandalously kidnapping my lass over to the other household.... she wont remeber misscalling me 2010 rather than the man who stole my kid away to she only wished to flatter-charm..i wonder why ...)
Nobody REALLY helps anyone for years i know as five years ago i did yet another subtle gentle dangerous 'intervention' of course yet another duff word for when there is no 'society' - all the local (well in my case regional as i 33 years lived way away from even medium sized towns) social workers, and even most doctors hysterically hiding behind their sofa for months ... never mind the local 'do gooder' preaching from his trinket shop... but not daring to ever go out just up the road, and speak with the woman who was age 50 drinking herself officially to death...
Like the muppet i am and have been 20 years... i did....a lot.... and even put in place a standard it aint rocket science 'recovery' program for said very unplesant mad (and actually dangerous) woman...
Now that sounds pious and hardly any 'fight' ...
Jack Straw (winning a public battle against him April 2009) is a pathetic little muppet compared to the combined vicissitudes of a very small town of almost all "Guardian Reading" Nutzis who want you arrested if they (helena) could for being always smiley in the queue for two in two out at spar.... more than ones alloted times a week as the actual Nutzi whom was in charge of the queue.... one fell for...as she knew...
And her and i played out the only theatre that ever matters behind their hunkered over backs...
all that first summer...
Anyway back to the point of.... nine months... baby steps trying to nudge some or other most queenly mother hen of that small high st into "look if i can get up the NA woman for her free holiday in return for helping this woman see sense ... and it works maybe she listens... one or other of us will need to at least drive her once a month say to some slightly grown up NA group session a LONG way away...even Bristol full of bluehaired space cadets... and there is NO way a bloke can be alone in a car with an average British woman being these lands world centre of making up stories .... so all i need is someone to pledge to just maybe one rescue mission a month or even find a few others in your lovely famous 'community' of the prerfect people living the bucolic dream of a lovely 'caring' community as even the Torygraph rit a few years ago..... she will probably die if we dont as the lab report on her liver does say half is gone .... i saw it with my own eyes..in fact she almpost displays it as material for a Kate Tempest song .. like blaming some other 'community' except this one here for ignoring her as for years she's gone semi junkytoo.... "
which is the actual 'fight' - the one nobody will ever record in any history books...call it apathy.... call it cowardice... i 30 years ago called it Acedia...
I'm nothing new here...
But how interesting when the 'fight' is just managing to get through the occasional conversation over 9 months without ever saying " i thought you may have offered when i spoke to you a few months ago" as THAT will get you more than eyejabbed ... will be twisted around and even used against you ... and even more ostracised for doing EXACTLY what even theor Torygraph PR piece said they were world champions of, being a nice caring community..
That kind of 'fight' .. that endlessly depresses you for days weeks.... not clinical 'depression' the real kind based on knoing for sure as a notdepressed simple ordinary person carrying out the playbook you knew is good as a kid from GREAT role models (all of whom ended up in middle age as some or other lost junkyish cause - the rteal sadness) .. but couldnt until maybe 20 years ago be that, always..no matter what.... especially when it ALWAYS fails...
Always 100% ..
That i full well know is the main 'cure' for 'depression'. tm / patent / copyright me...
Shame i shan't even succeed in getting that stuff down coherently, too...
So back in "them" days when you knew your average popstar bloke was unpolluted by 'girly' hairspray in the head department... excepting their little faux pas having been innocently polluted and hence polluting on and on with Her modern Nazism material blesserrr poor Ayn..
If only she could know Cummings, Bannon, and Im quite sure at least half the newer 'intake' deep down have had Randiness leaching into their so calle dbrain, still....
When...
On the Path the day before, there can be no better two-onnit... middle of nowhere.... except failry natural beauty .... Indeed it din't even take a Nerudan hour of speaking, to begin a "conversation"
(the least interesting onion peel inner layer: "he gets to stick it in about once a year poor man")
" well liuv.... ehhh noone can hear you scream here kms away from anywhere and phone signal.... hmm where did i hide my axe..."
Only a European woman gets right down to it straight away....
Wsell, aftter some assistance.... setting actual conversational paradigms ... between two grown ups.
blahhh blahh blahhh
" yes but i think so much at the root of all this even your pill habit is one simple fact and if i could get it into an uncynical novel i would be smelling of more real man musk than the so called richest man... if ONLY women like you knew exactly your age....
"well the difference between you... 500 mil, over there, and the lost seventy five odd here..is a 'local' one would have fought and eyestabbed at every word ive preached the last hour..... especially when i say..... christ alive moan moan moan ' we aren't visible in the culture when weve got to be fourty fivish, their clever focus grouped party political pointin' the finger....at everyone else but themselves.... ....
" you knows i aint charmin you but your exact age..... luv its amazin he hasnt exploded into a puff of yet more chemical waste aroung his waist not gettin' it 'on' more than once a year..... only a woman over fifty is actually desirable to a real man ....
" i no cynic and a recent watch again at British nuanced culture at its best .. brought a tear to me the something to live up to..... and a rare grown up Mr Nighty .... but ok a hangover from one small quirk in history, the time when by some aberation the much younger woman was thought to be worth losing your job for...
" bullshit...
(" we can be the GREAT generation, whom...")
" even in your 40s, fussy and far too full of some non existent 'self' .... and don't blame the advertising industry entirely as Ayn Rand kinda started it... theres not it only me.... only a woman over fifty happy in her own skin is indeed desirable.... all the rest are just teenagers ...no teenager would know how one can have the most open conversation in history all bases covered, poor man.... and now say here on the filming bench above the swewerage outflow even here it will be full of Yankee Xanax and so called Tylenol never mind killer-manjaro soon ... and we both feel only the warmth, of you wishing this conversation to continue ...and continue.....all the way
(the only good thing about Chretianity is someone used their "performance" as backing vocalist - congregationally trained to be better than the lead, always...if encouraged, 'empowered' maybe even 'challenged' to be his equal....
and thus they make it..
which is a merely a note to self.....
Three weeks ago i met THE examplar of it all..... the Londoner "on the run" .... from them
taking 'sanctuary' in my House of Sockets... the jigsaw one.
Ohh my ohh my there's no hope..... when i saw the screenfullls and fulls of 'apps' ... and how he knew Chat GPT was telling him who is in charge..
at least it was cover from me to grab a bag full o' charge
But it is serious - i never knew quite how so until sat there tollerating him half an hour
" and they got ..our ...charlie, too..."
A very very very Londoner Londoner..
Afterwhich that afternoon meander i merely thought " hmm its almost as if I had met him from the song... ... some modern iteration of a man so so 'connected' into the whole horrid thing be it a Brand of Charlie, Tommy [ he claimed it was all because of him the 100 or ten hundred thou - who knows... gatheration] .... hes just smart alec so so internet savvy ...dancin.... for them... just as slave as some greyin' ole one nuthin else to do but dance.... "
But thenit left me...until a week latter .... almost as if a 'sublim' from the Great wonky one above
or just incredible coincidence, as one never ever hears that tune on the wireless
I am reminded...)
But back to .... an impossible encounter.
Except no coincidence or anything from above as the word saudade is for a reason. The actual effnic version (not on your internet merely full of the lowest common denominator flatthink) ' we can still get it back...'
" that 'breathe' tattoo on your wrist, well... sorry THAT's the 'problem' even if i know the local infection hasn't reached your fine lungs and you don't do cheap so called 'remedies' .... because we know one thing here, only one...no matter how shit you feel some or other maybe bug syndrome or whatever pulling you down.... just pull yourself up and ...walk on....you never feel worse after a walk ....
" I can smell from here that you don't care about your fabulous fit fifty three year old bag's body 'smelling' as i smell NO products...i would if you did.... i am not oversensetive but so long deliberately away from ANYone using them my ohh my i smell the average product of the products about 50m away if the winds coming my way, from their way...
"in fact i only smell warmth i can almost smell it betwseen us ...
" i mean with maybe one exception that if i were to nicely share with some local woman they look YOUNGER if nature is left to recoloriose them in sympathy wiith the concurrent recolorisation of their skin which is harmoniously in harmony with natural pigmentation loss they may not spit for that so called personal comment.... otherwise everything else especuially iof i said ' only 53 year and older babes are ACTUALLY sexy like you they would spit or find some reason for arguing ... rather than merely sit next to me now and exude warmth...
" right all the way til' 'them' wheels fall off and burn time.... for a good decade every single one of ONLY so called educatedish middle class English muvvas ive riffed with....for their sake, upon the environment and all that they've fucked.... every single one, every single one witha rather wonderful say ten year old..... claims for, in fact needs to define their fabulous engaged funny ten year old as first 'twas asbergy then ADHD or the even more exotic neurodivergence .... it is rather a thing..... and as a thinking thing i think about it...objectively - things like their so called disabled kids are far far better communicators and eye-to-eye-engagers than any of my cohort ever were thatage.... .
" ehh....luv, just like you... skin on skin though we dont 'know' each other....... ehhh you are the best easiest speaker ive maybe ever met..... ehhh no....you been sold a pup.... no you do not 'have' ADHD...now if i gave such an 'offensive' opinion to any local 'bird' they would choke up on the microplastic and eau de 'hygeine' products they dont actually care about bein' here... and just like my kid once luvinly did attempt to corrode my eyes out with a full on frontal projectile vomitation that of course is love....
" ... i shall forgive your Duran habit.... even if maybe they kindof started it the celebration of materialist jet settery for the masses....
"it's all very very very simple... I can't stand any name or star or personality, not only did i know when the first mass market horror film came along, nope... thats for children like my sibling and sad bestie to eulogise about, and thus walked away after it was on ten minutes and never needed to see one since to know there endeth the lesson... that terrible cynical media simply ruined everyone long before any twat tweeting ... even in Holand though you were some years behind us here...
.
" but a few weeks ago i watched a movie i had heard about a few months ago - merely curious infact about a sort of Raynor Winn kind of lying load of nonsense when years earlier i had read some poetry from someone i once decades ago sort of slightly knew and liked, who had givern up that past 'life' and i really did think ' golly what a great woman to have moved on from that rather sick world she was top tier in for a decade or so.... ' but disappointed to hear that it was the usual not quite true to her words.... was curious to see the comeback.... even if rather bigged up when it was fairly lousy...
" and nothing really gets to my heart i lie but you gotta seem of the moment all cynical and cool...
" anyway me i love being this age not to be down on our younger selves but things like even if at the time it made you projectile vomit never mind being THE moment that boys hairdos and rediculous nacy boy wardrobes seemed to rather become de rigeur - the moment the hairspray was accepted into the great big me,ting pot as almost compulsory... and made me ill then....
" one reasises over time that actually great art is so much deeper and maybe there maybe saying something deeper ...it doesnt tell you what to think, and in time even if i never ever ever watched videos, i was the one who knew MTV was not a good development tumnes are far better merely imagined..
"that one video - so multi layered ... so actual-art.... perhaps 'commenting' on America and the whole mad dance far better than any Adam Curtis whole cannon of slightly warped work...
" but anyway maybe an act i dont know i know nowt except a combination of so many foreign bodies, unlike your totally au naturelle sexiest one .... [ "here smell me if you want ..." said only witha smile, after at least 15km puffin' 'n pantin' ]
" as described i am THE number one most tortured damaged person in the world ok first equal with the average Palestinian over some decades ...no hope.... no way of ever getting back any homeland invaded by Stockholm.... but unlike y'ALL i sleep perfectly always and every day at 530 wake up fairly smiley.... but i dont believe in anyone.... everyone else stuck moanin' and feelin' sorry for themselves or on some pill.... CHUCK them away!...you don't need them i can tell, and feel....
"anyway month ago a bit people-hadenough i dialed up this movie....
" now, no 'Mary Moviestar' ever impresses me....
"especially if they are the one whom having been given GREAT haircolouring and how to look five years younger tips a year back https://www.ralphschism.com/p/mm.html which i know she read as i saw the look on her face when like the ultimate cliche she cycled past a few months ago on her sit-up-and-begger pretending she is still 20
" doesnt even have the manners to say 'thanks for the compliment' which was obvious when we met, and her whole body language thanked me for the compliment then.... in front of her whole crew... who knew there were only two people in that 'moment' in existence as we eye to eye jousted for her honour atop the wildest cliff of the whole pestilent polluted county...... me having no idea who she was other than ' wow the sexiest silver i have ever seen..' who i didnt recognise when a few weeks later lamenting paradise lost i am stalkin the online promo photos ' ohh woe is me i cant see her she mustv been a Selkie they all believe in and write awful songs about ... the one in this is at least ten years older and podgier in the face.... surely it is her but it can't be the one i had the ultimate dance with that day ...well looked younger and thinner..ohh well....
"anyway looks is one thing apart from of course Bette... i say i educated myself via Saint Joan de Baez... but truth, Bettetoo.. and a bit of Barbara .. The Way we Were sorry is still a fabulous uncynical thing and her directorship of others just as good longago said womewn are perfectly equal thank you very much....
"anyway Bach's wonderful Mary Moviestar ..... its so sad to see how people slag off that book as 'narcissitic' ... this fucking smart alec stupid Yank thinks he knows ANYthing...
" i always hated ALL machionery... pilotage was for me merely a way of exploring for free .... and being paid to hang around and educate myself my way and his supewrb book remains my number one guide to life when 1 + 1 =3... 'soulmate' maybe a disaterword as bad as manifest or shamania but when Richard and Leslie combined forces to save their local nature ... that is all i ever needed to know and trusted his every word - anyway it will have been theirs as i am sure he rit much of it with her spellchecking and being bosstoo...
"Unlike the performative bard, i only respond to stars who walk the walk... stand up for SOMEthing.... and MRichard's MAry well she was it...
" but bugger me i watched this film..... nothing ever gets to me much and anyway theres no hope all 'them' xenos are seeping all over the place and the problem in fact is films like Dark Water deal with showbix end.. the horror movie version.... the extreme cases, when in fact the less 'toxic' atoms mollecules building up relentlessly and nobody will talk about Fergal's teenage buddies didnt need all 'them' fancy light coloured clothes that take more detergent to get the deodorant stains outof... or a pot of Rive GAuche by Tennax or wasit the other way around, just to go on Top of The Pops and embarass my whole generation... never mind traumatise me....
"like they do here at every beach just to be seen even 'them' deplorables (HILARY'S word - one simple word said in bitterness, got him in never forget!) gotta raid Superdrug just to look selfie-good on 'them' beaches... Fergal Sharkspoup can only blame water companies and business for the fact that i am quite sure the shark soup is indeed laced with some exotic xeno or other and forever will unless WE stop putting YOUR medicated piss in the sea...
" anyway this one bird.... i belive a teenager at the time.... or not much older
" not the slightest ever thought she was even in the smallest bit desirable even if well paid just to be that... i still have a few photos i would never look at mainly for that reason...
" fuck me..... i think the only facts based solution to everything in their shitty xeno solution i would love to know...is: was it out of a bottle?...
"because talk about ...well i dont like any culture that objectifies your sex.... so i doubt i even saw Cinderella.... ehhh... frog turns into Prince... are there any other movie parallels...?
" but when they danced ... all these years on still only great art actually does get to the heart....
" except this time..... for even deeper real human reasons.... not that anyone else would have even noticed i guess... if i were a woman and had got through my extremely well setup fuckability radar ... ohh yes back to what matters i think you should believe that the current orgasm 'ajacent' pain is a PHASE!!! ... dont let him go too long between fux such a fine real woman as you life is short even if you are five years younger than her...
" if i were so desirable that i could break through some random bloke's never ever get a hardon setting via any screen.... just cos i got a lot older.... well i would want the world to know about it.....somehow...
"you already know as European women dont really have this Anglo-Yank problem that if we could solve my ohh my i do KNOW it would be a more important peace treaty than anything over a load of already dead peeps.... "
BUt then... thisterdawn...
(imagine as so often the most sublime settings right out of a depopulated Woodlanders... warm gale blowing...)
I have a sneaky way of digitally communicating far far more "human"ly than your horrid typed inhuman stuff... little bonus it has a 'read receipt'. One should never think too much about it could be some numbty partner looking in to your private corresp (i have a WHOLE book about that in my sequence)
But every day a new day especially if still in ok quiet ...
I had never looked through it all the way...
In fact when it seems its now compulsory to have so many towells and dryrobes even for nippers so nobody 'sees' them even taking off their swimming cosies...
(which i find quite astounding and certainly the truckloads of Xanax will flow from that one neurosis alone)
How absolutely perfect... a world before it all went very wonky and nobody would have even noticed...
Anyway good for me...
Now....at last i was proven right
Little Miss sad (even Suzi is horrified and she normally sticks up for the girlies, but agrees its a GOOD thing all this false idolatry of the self must stop )
rather BPD ex Mother-Theresa...
The Path... was alaways for stripping off imediately and pulling out the innermost onionskin layer - baring all to a random 'stranger' ... childhood sex line-crossing and all...
All the way.... and knowing that there is only honour and what is said on any path stays on The Path...
But getting down to the very deepest shame layer...
Is always good.
Right i am inspired to chuck away my very last bit of Hollywood version....
All the way....soon.
And am so warts-and-all, above caring about appearance that i hadnt noticed awful but better-the-devil-you-know blogger.com as everything else intermittant fault no longer shows duff spelling - typos or often just can'tspellitis...
Even if mittigation no spare battery to even linger and look at what rit
(noticing a terrible typo in a title a few days ago i shant bother to go back to as time is the enemy.... when nobody actually cares so they modify their own hairdo regimes as wonderful symbolic example and.... well even Imoan - yes she exuists one whole year, kindof sadly imploded..... but role model setting best example is FOR her age cohort so.... gone but not forgotten in fact its 'for' her...)
And there's something i have forgotten, infact the very best thing she said...
It will come back.
Especially when it is thus far the very best 'content' of all for the how-to-smile for real and use far less ..need far less...
righty ho a few things from the last few weeks made still to put up. One why America has already invaded.. and secondly why the BBC really should be cancelled. As they rwrite the ONLY bit of history that matters... 1980s film - from niche arthouse to even most mainstream, and wider culture, was pretty much against blatant greedy materialism or the 'yuppie'...
For the one aspect of that 'environment' that is i do believe more serious than any nice warmer weather.
So the numbty from the RSPB doesnt know...why the bird population has reduced 13% in 5 years (65% in 50). In other words it's doubling.
And the Nutzy Trust man (wrongly throwing around clever-dick terms like 'placebo' tells us the insects are still way down in this best weather EVER summer.
It's all so so simple. Add to 'nature' over several hundred years, but ramp up the rate by double maybe trebble, over the last 30, a whole load of atoms and mainly mollecules that burds, bees, fishies and all the amphibians who went several decades ago... that they have not adapted to coping with the toxic effects, or digest if sprinkled on their din dns ..or within it... generally fewer thrive, more get ill, ferwer have the energy to bonk or bees 'n things 'n flowers...
So their numbers reduce.
As the amount of (mollecules) household chemicals, car chemicals, DOG chemicals, doin'your'house-up chemicals... etc etc etc increases in the environment...as plenty do leach ionto the ground, blow off into the air especially if building down here where i see many now wrap a bein'done up hoouse, in plastic...and at least 10 maybe 30 placcy bags worth blows off into the air and seas...
An impossible bit of 'data' to spew up but i would guesstimate the average 20 or 30 something nowadays has maybe 2 or 3 times the amount of 'unnatural' atoms/mollecules travelling through their household/boundary fences than was the case 30 or 40 years ago...
(its extraordinary just how much does gradually get 'eroded' into the air water in coastal regions if windyish)
But nobody will really talk about it...
Never mind many (allowed) drains still piping iinto the seas full of xenobiotic chemicals even your siilly Paracetomol many of which CANNOT be broken down by 'nature'. Or of they are it takes decades.
(and all she can do is a 'dip-a-day for surfers for swereage',
which is what they are as i bet they don't reduce their own nancy boy* deodorant usage'
and then run off to yoga )
Anyway.... so i have spent a year (No not as some earnest looking frowny chap on manoeuvres) ... chronicling...(well 10 actually but this year it ramped up nothing else to do)
pondering it all.... the to-me astonishiing amount of new clothes people npow wear on vbeaches even in the warmest ever summer..
Never mind what gets left behind.
And then other forms of....waste...
But it needs to be fun and not earnest but not whacky-weed filled on drugs so called guerilla art or whatever Wallace and Grommit childish nonsense artists dole out these days...
And everything else - i had no idea just how infantalised all had become ....
(to be cont as its all i care about)
*no actual 'man' needed to deodorise when i was a lad.... and thus i never have
As along with everything else - even in lasterregion, where folk were meant to be down to the actual earth...
The 'therapist' came in and a decade ago i witnessed her lack of 'therapeutic' response...
As we sat next to each other in the cafe and the obvious early sufferer of dog-o-mania ( a proxy for no longer 'working' on "human"ness so make it only about the dog - a proxy for a cabbage patch doll who can't talk back..) agressed us...
A good therapist, therapised, knows there is no point agressing back or even standing up for sanity when the body language of ones coffee shop neighbour is angsty and all dogged... but whatdyerknow of course he got even more aqngsty when she did 'react'...
I did tell her a few weeks later about his very unpleasant comments about her in-street, afterwards...
And even then she hadn't calmed down and learned to not take it personal, like...
And still shoffed her 'model' which was speedy-fix " i can turn around even the hartdest case in six weeks"
Funny that when six years later having been given real 'empathy' " Di... i have noticed you sleeping in your car .... Presteigne noisy car-park...for some months now.... ehhh ... i can share bathing facilities or hot water making woodburner stuff if you ever need it... "
The 'best' therapist for many a km, denies she is 'homeless'....
Even some months on. same ole chats at the same nighttime abode...
But extreme 'cases' never make good social history.
I didn't know until i emirgreed on, just how historically insignificant, even if ubiquitous, the suburbanite Sotherner mode had become
They all of course brag to kindom come about the 'work' they have done.... without ever pondering neigh expressing the time immemoriam end result desired as even the bleedin Chrets figured a few millennia ago
" meaning what you say..."
Indeed there are plenty of bits 'n bobs about porkies...
But the real zen-o-phobe bit is coming later.
The 'purpose' of so called 'therapy'. I have my principles....
I put someone else first even if my standards of just-about-clean-enough are cast iron immutable... neigh my 'identity'.
But did need a laugh, even if the once ok Claudia couldn't say it: " ohh chat gpt [far more appropriate to call a bot a bot with obvious wordplay irony ...] ...it's got people pleasing disease too.... "
When surely the purpose of 'therapy' is to recover from that - well it isn't 'surely' even the Godsquad nutjob jabbering of Narcotics Anonymous (i know as i had to put up with a decade of one 'client' unpaying who went through that whole transition even if her so called drug munchin was just for attention...only once a year...)
Anyway this will seem like the whitterings of a mentally ill loon-o-maniac..
Which is the point of therapy
Even if you can't buy it for money to repurpose Mister Zimmer's line, not a performance for a change rather wise but i cannot find it
The purpose to have just tollerated two decades of stuff even Odysseus would have been curious to read about - his version a bourgeois Lonely Planet guide..
Mine the reqal version of off the beating track: the Rough Guide
( loop back into Islands well yes and no because in the 80s there was one truly magnificent place of solid ground - a continent of superb writing and tourist research on how to BEAT the system - live extremely well, save time not bothering with the hyped spots...and yes even find a bit of authentic 'local' involvement...
I never joined ANY "institution" to quote the only finest mind ewho spat at themtoo...
Never believed in anything human...
Except the bible: that Rough Guide..
And i tested it... tried to catch it with its lazy knickers down... over quite a few years.
But they were always simply perfect. And also it was instructive to occasionally nose into a Lonely Planet on the same places ... just how silly and bourgeois they were.lazy bigging up places which should be bigged very very down, Pseud... fake...
I am no cynic...
Anyway the 'purpose' of tollerating years of numbties and kindof learning the only thing that is ever worth learnings...
One summer (still) i shall be having a good one, and then of late some really great things to write up.... for these legions of mere bots that every day by their thousand click in ...
Twenty times previous 'reader' ship...
But never mind resources stretched to the death of me...
Going to SO much trouble - hours every morn to warm up phones (one is modem only another radio only) and laptop - batteries last much longer once warmed on the coffee then stuck down undies, or indeed why they were invented - proof of THE creator that the BBC cannot stop pimping as 'world'view its as if its become the Stanley show...
It knew one day that the armpit was going to be needed to just keep my battery going a tad longer...
ergo
I am quite sure (Claudia actually calls it "she" ...my ohh my but my ponderings on so called artificial eye are far more Decartes worthy if i ever get them up...)
IT ... will claim the armpit for itself one day as some kind of shamaniac second sight on its predecessor's pathetic effortts to be superintelligent all seeing eye eye eye...
Dying of hunger and cold some poor soul can dial of IT with their last electrons and get the answer to why they're dyin ... alone..... unloved even by "them"selves...
And smile at last in their last breath...
When it tells a good joke about people pleasing "metoo...suckerrr...."
Anyway i am in an even better mood due the so splendid Path encounter yesteraft even if she will need a whole twenty years of my wisdom to explain.... why sadly not
nope the ..." i feel the internet will simply implode and stop and thats how my kids will be saved..."
sorry its a bit more work than just manifestin' it...
And requires gags but when now theyre maybe artificial maybe real...
There's really no hope.
uNless...
did i get to my point speedtyping so fast its daft: to know that all one ever had was some ok poetical ways of wordplaying never mind dozens of good real stories many can be parables of sorts.... several thousand readers it would seem. BUt the most mentally ill laptop ever (and i taught myself to fix even them a decade ago) with every tic and illness phase ever - intemittantly...
which takes up all my philosophical juices - everymorn at dawn theyre always just nicely ready to pour into the internet like a damp cloth
But nope..i cannot even seem slightly sane cos the bot-readers probably too busy scrathin their bottie as theyve some neurotic attachment to that dark hole rather than the light, so their finngers are too slimey to click on the link above ....and dont even buy a coffee ....
In other words i display only wonkiness and all the other dodginess ... as a more graceful fully formed thing....someone saw and recorded...takes SO much more battery to display...
my 'therapy' worked - i don't feel bad, about the only thing that matters.... not being able to seem evena tad sane...
Not sad and sorrowful that twentuy years of splendid self-gonxziong, to spite t6he therapists ... actually works.
Through the VERY WORSE 'trauma' a "human" cabn endure (even the splendid new Find Mister European Yank Murray sticks in his fabulous tome...)
Anyway therapy working..
just sleep really: seven hours it never happens. Eight...a perfect eight as yesternacht....
Her face came fully formed crystalnacht clear as i enjoyed the always enjoyable first five minutes of consciousness both left and right brainy stuff full steam ahead no matter what... as if she's (censored) ... right in front of me.
Now that i do find interesting: how i lose faces in the afternoon and evening... if pondering them at bedtime they are Nolan blurred...
But eight hours all "them" brains including top and bottom bit...
Whirl away to bring you splendid 3d HD
But today's 'therapists' dont even dangle THAT carrot from their cash register:: "listen to me you reatrded blob of hysterical jellybeans ...and if you do you may one day also sleep a wonderful eight hours and yes youtoo can revel in the benefits..."
I had not so bril sleep in my 20s for phases....and do know what the answer is.
as it has worked... without fail for 33 years...
No matter what
Now yes back to the job in hand part of which is if your therapy 'works' well you keep to plan A...
two months ago it was to clean out a second cheap fountain pen...
And the meaning of life " act as if the good thing... mutually benefitial.... (FOR SURE - having watched LAnd of The Blind regularly as a superb cultural reminder of why 'woke' lanyardists are so thick and dangerous as they know they are always doing the longterm goodie goodie thing ... especially by being blue, when its best to laugh at the net result of their whole fake so called caring beurocracy...) o) will come to pass... maybe one day... "
